From Bosco the Bestest Dog Ever

Hi Sharkbutt! Itsh me, Bosco! How you teef? Me teef gud!

Me foodchick fink mouses scarey. Me think they funnee. Maybe yor mouse froze do deth cuz you foodchick keep it cold like ice. Or maybe yor mouse was a mouseketeer and died cos the stoopid hat ate its branes. or maybe Sarah Palin shooted it.

have a grest day!

yor frend,

Bosco!


Hi Bosco!, Me teef good too, fren, how you doing?
Me foodchik no find them too scariness, mostly them move fast and startle her and then her get twitchy. Her still fink we kilt it. I'm finking you right tho, it frozededed to deth cuz her keep it so cold in here. Either that or one day when foodchik had the heat her sooprised the moust to def. Me no fink Sarah Pale-end would last long in Jersey, her hairs would melt.

Have a happy day,
you fiend,
sharkbutt

Uhoh

Wow foodchik are all skivedness out because her found a moust in her dumbbell (no, not big stripey). The moust was dead, her was asking us where did it come from what did we do to it. How me know? Me cannot ask it, it dead. Me fink Puppy did it though, her mean like a snake. Remings me of foodchik.

Hmmm Questions About Me Foodchik

Deer Sharkbutt,
Me have questions about you foodchik, please can you answer them for me? Fanks!

What are her favorite color?
What are her favorite smelp?
What are her favorite food?
What are her size?

fanks again,
Tanky

Deer Tanky,
Me donut no why you want to no this stuff about foodchik and me not retirely sure what all of it mean but ok.
Foodchik favorite color is blue, because it rhyme with moo, and her a cow and that what her do. (no, me was not trying to make that rhyme,me was just lucky)
Foodchik favorite smell is anything other than burnt or catbox. Me fink some kind of flower.
Foodchik favorite food is all of them recept eggs and mushkrooms. Me no her likes fitch and chocolate. and grapes.
Foodchik size? hahahahaha, me donut no, it large. very very most largeness large. even if me did no, me not telling, me not simple as me look.

have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt.

From Fren Jasmeene

Hi, ist jasmeene, yeah. Da skwirrle.

Me teefs bin bodderin me caust i eated to muchs of holidae candies. and i a-skarit of da denteetse caust laste time i wented dere he pulled on my molers wit a big shiney tool. and it hurted and my mudder was off at teh bingoe parler and she not cumferted me like i wonted that dae.

but i glad you my friend, sharke bucktotts, it makes me feele bettor to thinke of yu and yer littel kittie smyle.

luff from jasmeene.

Hi Jasmeene,
Me sorry to here your teefs boddering you. Me hates when me teef hurt, usually me lick me foot and taht helps. But that pulling out the molders wif a big shiney sound terrible. Me sorry your mudder was bingoing. Sometime foodchik not very comforting either, mostly when her are all mooey and stuff. But her was niist for the hollerday yesterday, and so far her not mooey yet today. but it early.

i glad you me friend too jasmeene, you verry niist.
hope you teef feel more betterester soonly.
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hollerday Greetings

Merry Kriskmess from me and the Queen and Shayfoodchick to all of you at your house! Bosco!

Merry Kriskmess from me and Big Stripey and Puppy the Evil and foodchik the large. Have a happy day,
your friend, Sharkbutt

From Bosco the bestest dog ever

hi Sharkbutt, itsh Bosco! How u teefs? Me teefs good.

Me fink Jasmeene real cute skwirrle, me wood like to herd her n stuff maybe there are herds of swirrles?

My foodchicks eyes are mostly closed when she are home lately which aint offen. resht of the time they are lookink at hoomin girlz on tv. She go "what a woman!" all da time, then she fall asreep and drool. She nutty.

yor frend,

Bosco!

PS--do foodchicks ever sreepwalk and go to tha fone and order PIZZA! wifout they know that they did? And then dogs can eet all the PIZZA! and foodchick not noe?

hi Bosco, how you? how you teef? me teef great and me great. fanks. Happy Kriskmas to you and your foodchik and queen molly.

Me fink Jasmeene a cute skwirrel, prolly and me donut know if them run in herds or what.

sound like you foodchik very busyness wif work and stuff. foodchik sometimes orders Chinese food and then fall asleep but her gotta wake up to pay. Me donut no, if foodchik would forgets that them odored pizza, me no mine would not forget if her paid for anyfing, her so cheep her squeek.
have a happy day,
your friend, sharkbutt

from Jasmeene da Skwirrle, her very niist

Bucktotts, my luff,

i waits for yu to gro upps.

I weesh on da moone and my secrit staarr unteel yu is growed upps.

ANd we runs offs intoo a sunsets togedder?

Jasmeene da skwirrle,

(happy in da daye caust yu was borned up)

Hi Jasmeene,
How you? How you teef? You might have to wait a long time for me to gro upps, me kinda short.

And me have to get back to you on running off into a sunsets together, me would miss foodchik and the big cats.

And really, we have somping to riscuss, if you looks in the mirror me fink you will that you eyes very prettiness and wide apart, and mines are in from of my face, from what me read this wideness you have mean you prey, and this frontness me have means me predator and so are the big cats. then we have my foodchik whose eyes so close together in frontness me fink them one on top of another. I donut fink it would be safe for you to hang out wif us but I still be your fren on the reputer.

have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt

Rinvention

Once upon a time there was a fitch catcher who had sooooooooooooooooooo much fitch and no cats to share it wif. So her was making it into cooked for her kids to eet it and riscovered her kids not like to eat fitch. how odd! So her finked and finked what should I do with the fitch and her went to the shelter place to find her some catlets and her talked to the people there about can her give the fitch her catch to catlets? Them said that it not really good for catlets to eet fitch off the hoof, maybe off the fin. So her took the catlets home wif her and fed them cat foods. And at night the catlets slept on her head and told her fings. And the next day her waked up and had a thought, I will make the fitch into crunchy fitch sticks and the kids can have them wif ketchup and me will make crunchy tater sticks for ketcup too. So her did and her kids were happy with the tater sticks and fitch sticks wif ketchup. And the catlets and the kids and the fitch chik all lived happily ever after.

Santy Claws and the Reincows.

Santy Claws and the Reincows...

The Santy Claws story as told by Sharkbutt to the food chik.

Me have heard the story about Santy Claws and the reincows on tv one night when foodchik were falling resleep to the weather channel. Santy Claws and the reincow fly in the sleigh to bring presents on Christmas. Them also talked about how him lived up at the north pole and stuff but him had to move so the story changed over the years because global warming melting polar ice caps and Santy Claws and Mrs. Claws was afraid the elves would drown in all the water in the basement from the meltiness. Drownt elves would not be pretty. Also, Grandma Claws wanted him to come down and live by her in Boca. So the way me runderstand the new story is that Santy Claws has relocated to Florida because it God’s waiting room and him thinking then there is room for promotion (him silly, God not leaving Florida). And it is actually 15 pink flamingos in santy claus hats pulling the sleigh, not reincows cuz Florida too hot for reincows (and reindeers don't usually leave Norway or Greenyland and Icyland.them might melt into puddles of cowness) So the flamingos names are Petunia, Anastasia, Reggie, Sneezy, Ethelbert, Smedwick, Clyde, Elvis, Pinky, Fartrinda, Buzzy, Perky, Lefty, Orson and Pete. Them are much safer than reincows because flamingos already know how to fly and donut need lessons, them pink so them easier to spot in the sky and when them poop the turds not so big as to be painful or dangerous and flamingos no do that whole antler thing which can cause trouble in the skies. But them are not vegetarians like reincows and so them turds smelp awful so it good them are small turds. Always tradeoffs in this life. Still the flamingos can fit down the chimney better than the reincows can, so them make it a much more refficient operation.

But me digress, so if you a good catlet, doglet, or kidlet santy claws and the flamingos will bring you presinks. Me asked for strimps in a can, clammies in a can catnip because me love nip and tunee fitch because it makes me mouf smile to just fink about it, oh and whirled peas even though me no really like vegetables much but the foodchik said me should ask for it since me always get everything else me ask for from Santy Claws. But me not always get the strimps from Santy because the flamingos need to eat the strimps to keep themselves pink, it reportant for them to maintain them visibility. So foodchik gets us the strimps. And we will leave cookies and milk for Santy Claws and strimps and butterscotch candies for the flamingos.

You can still leave your socks hung up by your chimney if you want or wherever you like to hang them. Foodchik usually hangs ours on the stairs and me fink that her have the flamingos put the nip in her underwear drawer so we can’t get at it.

Then food chik will wake us up by hopping out of bed, ok really how this go is the sun comes up and me will hop on foodchik and look in her eyeball to see if her home and say foodchik lets have strimps and then we will look in our socks – her will hide the nip in them when her come downstairs. and her will fix us a plate of strimps. We will open our presents from the chik and then her will open the one from us, big cats won't tell me what it is yet though. Them were talking about getting a side o' tunee fitch or meat, but me have the Ramerican Repress card and me think we got her a compound miter saw, even though it loud and me know me will HATE it. Then we’ll all have yogurt and maybe blueberry muffins.

So Happy Christmas to you and your foodchiks and fooddudes.
Your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hi Jasmeene the Skwirrle

S.P. mi teefs are as gud as dey gets, my ventrilonarian says dey is good zamples. and he taked a pitcher of me and putted it a zample booke for evrywun to see and adsmire in the annimul whirled.

Jasmeene da skwirrle

Hi Jasmeene, It sounds like you have really remazing teef. Me glad them good. Me tagging you for the 5 fings you love about Christmas Meme fing.

MEME FING

My frien Bosco who is the bestest dog ever asked me to write 5 fings me love about Christmas, so here we go:

1) When foodchik sits wif the 3 of us on the couch, feeds us fitch snaks and tells us about Santy Claws and him reincows. Have you read the story?

2) When foodchik opinks presinks from us, and her say cats you always mysticfies me how you get such niist presinks, me the luckiest foodchik ever.

3) When me get presinks of nip, and fitch. and more fitch.

4) Us have breakfast of blueberry yogurt and muffinks, and foodchik give us a tiny bit of cream. yummmmmm.

5) did me mention fitch?

Happy Christmas to everybody.

Her Are So Not Remused

Her are talking to herselfs and what her say just are not niiiiist. Her talk to her nosy and tell it if you donut stop wif the snot we going to have words. Her odd, and you know her moo.

Her coughing too, me were sitting on her head telling her a story to go to sleep. Usually her read us a story but that how me know her feel bad, her no do any reading. So me sitting on her head, her cough and me went flying, it was reciting, me asked her if we could do it again, her said maybe, this not sumping me can plan.

Sandy Claws and Him Reincows coming soon. me hope them bring foodchik, new lungs cuz her keep coughing up her old ones. And maybe a new risposition cuz her really kinda extra evil lately.

Hi Jasmeene

sharkbuckotts,

i secrit luffing you. i reed you effree dae and i want to marry up wit you.

k?

Jasmeene da skwirrle

Hi Jasmeene da skwirrle,
you sound very very niiist. foodchik said that her are eleventy 3 times older than me and her are too young to marry up so me too young too. it nice of you to say so though. fank you,
have a happy day,
sharkbutt

Me would root for big cats too

Her goes stooooooopid Red Sox, too though hahahaha. She only like the Tigers, they are cats! Cool, huh? (from Bosco)

The way foodchik talk about them, me fink them not fitch.

Question, me Love Questions

Hi Sharkbutt, itz me, Bosco! How you teef? My teef good. My foodchick lubs baseball too. Her go, stoooooooopid Yankeeeees! Wut are yankees?

yor frend,

Bosco!

HI Bosco!!! Me was finking about you, me glad you wrote. Me teef great, and me glad you teef good too. Me not sure what yankees is, the way foodchik carry on about them me just assumes that them fitch.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hmm

Her finally wrote 10 true fings about her, but none of them were rinteresting and by rinteresting me mean odd, cuz her odd.

Her no say her are robssessed wif baseball, me serious, her have 13 baseball sites on her reader fing, and how many about cats? None. Her not even have that many about chicken or flamingos and her robsessed wif them too. And none about cows or Jupiter where her are the queen. Odd, me fink.

Her must have music playing in her head most of the time because her are often cha cha ing around here and sometimes her makes us dance wif her. It odd.

At night her take this stuff that make her turn all red and hot, her usually resleep for it but it the only time it warm in the houst. me fink her take it cuz her too cheep to pay for heat.

Hello

Me been gone for a while, now silly foodchik translate the passwords into Jupiterian and her no did it right so her no spell it right. Haahahahaha and me had to fix it so me get the reputer while her watch. hahahah. me laff.

So nuffing new, her still keep it cold enough in here to hang meat. and her got a coldy so her snorp.

Her Not GOing to do this

at least not quick enough for me, so me well tell you 10 honest fings about foodchik. Not even going to include that her a cow and her moo.

1) Her have a lot of jobs. Queen of Jupiter, Evil Minion, Reiki teacher, and some more me forget.
2) Her come home smelping of dogs a lot but we no have one.
3) Her really bad at cooking, which are unusual for such a large person.
4) Her hardly ever answer the telephone and when her do her not always nice.
5) Her can hardly ever find the telephone.
6) Her smelp like limes and flowers and mulch.
7) Her no fings, about a lotta fings.
8) Her read good.
9) Her funny.
10) ok, me lied her a cow and her moo.

Me Read This on ShayBoscosFoodchiks Blog

Her mostly write Poemtry, me like it respecially when foodchik read the poemtry to me. So her have a list of 10 honest fings about me.

1) Me are 4 years old.
2) Me a cat.
3) Me love fitch (me even writed poemtry aboutfitch once)
4) Me love blueberries
5) Me love foodchik (even though her a cow and her moo)
6) Foodchik say me can be Catlick or Boodist or whatever me want.
7) ME donut drink out of the toilet (her lie)
8) ME lick foodchik head to make her fink, it not always work so good.
9) Me like yogurt.
10) Me fink foodchik should try some nip.

And me will try to get foodchik to do this.

From SHAYBOSCoSFoOdChIK

Hi Sharkbutt! It's Shay, Bosco's Foodchick. I've had to take away his computer privelges for a day because he keeps leaving really dumb jokes about Uranus, and thinking that he is just so sooo funny. I think it's a dog thing.

xo

Shay

HI ShayBoscosFoodchik,
how you? how you teef? I hope you let Bosco use the reputer again soon. You might had noticed that Bosco not alone wif the Uranus jokes, Foodchik visicked a place up in Massachushitts called Mianus onst. You prolly donut want to tell Bosco, between Mianus and Uranus that will be a lot of silly.

Have a happy day,
your friend Sharkbutt

Her Home sick

Me donut know if you know this but by where we live the moon is in a crescent and you can see venus and jupiter by it making a rupside down frowny face. Foodchik are the queen of Jupiter, and her miss it respecially when it winter here on erf. Now winter or any other time on Jupiter is coldest. Much more colder than ever here because the Jupiter so far from the sun. So her cannot live there, her can onliest visit wif the Jupiterians from far away or her will be a foodchiksicle.

So her home sick, and by this me mean her resane.

More fings from Bosco

deer Sharkbutt, how you teef? me teef good and me frankish for that!

me frankish too for my shayboscosfoodchick and for PIZZA! and for you and your foodchick and for stuff what falls on the floor that i can eet and me frankful for the dish of turkish n gravee and dreshink, i receeved today!

yor frend,

Bosco!

PS--her royal highnesh, Queen Molly also got her own plate!

deer Bosco, me teef great fanks. me glad you frankish for your shayboscosfoodchik, and pizza. and foodchik the cow who moos and me. me lucky to have frind like you. glad you got some turkish n gravees, me got fitch. it makes my mouf smile to just talk about fitch, fitch fitch. me cannot stop saying fitch.

have a happy day, your fiend sharkbutt

Yay! Fren Bosco

deer sharkbutt, once was a mummy, me saw wen my foodchik sleep in front of dishcovery channel, and this mummy, everybodee in aynchint egypt say hi there yur royal dryness cos the mummy hadent had nuffing to drink in like a billin years and so finally this toorist kid in a AC/DC tee shirt reached out and say wake up, ya old fart, and shake the mummy and its nose fall off. me hope you foodchick's nose dont fall off.

yor frend,

Bosco!

deer Bosco, how you? how you teef? me donut fink foodchik nosey could fall off, her breaked it enuf times that if it were going to fall off it would have already. her say and you dam cats will play hawkey wif it and get it lost under the stove. her funny.
have a happy day,
your fiend,
sharkbutt

Why Me Blog?

Every onst in a while someone ask this question, me answering it again.

Why not?

Wow Her Talk Alot and Never Say Fitch

me wanted to call this Franksgiving, because usually foodchik whack up some franks for us to eet. Then big puppy the evil splained (and splained and splained) to me that it Thanksgiving, where we be thankish for stuff. So me thankish for this

foodchik - her a cow and her moo, but her never gived us crunch food that her did not tasty and say cats me fink we got a good one. And we usually do got a good one.

the big cats - they good company and they resplain fings to me. even though them cows and them moo.

foodchik frens - they help keep foodchik from being too mooey.

me frens - them ask me good questions and help me keep foodchik from being too mooey.

foodchiks fambly - we like them, but them very sneezy peeple.

This Resplains Alot

Sometimes me mention that foodchik keep it cold enuf to hang meat in this houst. Me finally figured out why, me will spare you the graphic details but foodchik started getting nosy bleeds since her turned on the heat, big puppy say it not actually on her just talked dirty to it so her fink her doing somping, me donut no what that means but it sound odd. big puppy are odd. anyway, foodchik nosey bleed, her no notice it until her found it on her shirt. then her say bad word this bad word heat roasted my bad wording nosey from the rinside out bad wordit. so her had to rinch the shirt in coldy water while her tell her nose stop bleeding bad word it. then her have to find a new shirt wif sleeves to go to work. so her comed home and me was licking her head and her said sharkbutt you look resturbed, what the matter? and me said foodchik, me a little rupset about what up wif your nosey. her said sharkbutt donut worry the heat dry my nose up that why we not use too much of it. but they use too much of it at work and that make my nose dry and stuff. me fren jul yukifoodchik telled me to get some vaseline greasy stuff to make it better. me be all right.

so yuki tell you foodchik fanks from me.

Oh Her Simple

Sometimes foodchik rexercise wif me. This means instead of using weights, her use me or the big cats to do curlies. Biceps curlies to a overhead press are my favorite. Them are not big puppies favorite. Her tried to rip foodchik skull open but her no reach. Me laff. Big puppy are mean like a snake.

Suggestion from UB, him a pretty sharp tack.

Hi Sharkbutt,

You and the other cats ought to rub sticks together to create a fire. You can ask for coal from Santa Claus, which can fuel your fire. Once one or two small fires are found by your foodchick, she may turn up the heat. Then again, maybe not.

UB

Hi UB, how you? how you teef?

Me like that idea but me fink we tried that onst before and some tails catched fire. and me fink then her just turned off the heat, her so cheep her squeek.

have a happy day, your friend, sharkbutt

Kestion from Bosco the bestest dog ever

Hi Sharkbutt! How you teef? My teef good.

Do cows drive ottermobiles? Cos me was in Foodchick's ottermobile on the way to the torcher chamber (she call it the vet) and anodder ottermobile acted stoopid and Foodchick goes, "silly cow!" So me wonder now if cows can drive. me thot maybe you wood noe.

yor frend,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco, me teef great fanks. Tho them chattering alot with the cold.

Foodchik are a cow and her moo, and her drive a ottermobile. THat's how her take us to ant doctorkelly. foodchik no call the nodder drivers silly cow. her call them bad words me cannot spelp that end in ucker. her mom fink her a foul moufed relic. me fink that funny.
have a happy day,
your friend, sharkbutt

ps - her making chiken, me hope her no screw it up.

Coldy Coldness

Me not sure why it so cold in here. And her are sprinting around here in her sarong and a tshirt, and it coldy coldness. Me swear me see her breff. Me swear me see mine breff. Me would say her a cow and her moo, but cows wear more clothes me fink.

From Bosco

Sharkbutt, Sharkbutt, speek to me! Me worreed, you not bloggink, and me finkink dat maybe pengwings wif teef attacked you! Pleez say it iznt so!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Deer Bosco,
HI how you? How you teef? you read me story about foodchik and her passwerd? not pengwings got me, and them better not even fink it. It so cold in here me afraid them will move in.

Fanks for worrying about me friend.
have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Me Back

Me really wonder about her sometimes, most of the times, her are kinda simple. Her forgetted her password for the reputer, me said, take off the crap lock. Her keep trying and cursing saying really bad fings about the reputer. Her not even say them to big stripey when him peed on her. So then her called the sport peeple on the phome. Them said lady, check the crap lock, so her did and now the reputer back on for us to use.

some time her fun when her call the sport peeple on the phome. Her called them yogurt peeple onst, and her said how mutch past the rexpiration date can me eet this yogurt. sport dude said, we have 10 days built in from the sell by date for you to eet it. Her said, how mutch more can you go besides 10 days? Him says, how old is your yogurt, her said, all kinds of olds, 3 week old, 3 month old, 3 year old. Him says lady (me donut no why him call her lady, trust me, her not) nobody here will ever tells you it ok to eet 3 year old yogurt but if it not moldy looking or smelp bad, you be ok prolly. it just might not be as fresh as you likes it.

Another Mystery Solved By Bosco

OOOOO! Maybe dat why they got no teef, they braked them off trying to eet frozen fitch!!!

Sharkbutt, you rilly anser GOOD!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Deer Bosco,
You rilly smark, me never would have figured out why the penqwings got no teef, them broke them off on the frozey fitch. Speaking of frozey fitch, her got it cold in here today, if we had any fitch here it would be frozey. In fack, me butt is numb, me hope me not getting frozey.

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Kestion From Me Friend Bosco

How shmart can pengwings be? They live in a place wer it ish freesink and stays dark for momfs. Plus, dey ish snaks but they donut fly.

yor frend,

Bosco!

PS--plus they no got teef!


Hi Bosco,
How you teef? How you foodchik? Me donut no how smart the pengwings can be, me used to fink them was smart because them lived where the fitch could be frozen wif out them trying. hahahaha.

Have a happy day, your friend, Sharkbutt

Kestion from Bosco

Hi Sharkbutt, how you teef? Me no like penquins much now, they scary like killa clowns. Why peeple think they cute? They creepy!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco, me teef good, fanks, how are yours? Me not sure why peeple think penguings cute, me fink them look like me and me cute. maybe that why?

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

From Me Friend Hermes In HK

Sharkbutt, hi, you can
help me?! Me foodchik's foodchik is here and me foodchik is rinsane!
She walk around talking to herselfs, she says, "What I gonna do wif
dis woman?" Hers foodchik a little crazies but she brung me foodies. I
bit her foodchik tho but she told me, no, Hermes, you gotta be good
boy cuz this woman passagressif and she not gonna conplain but she
gonna keep bringin it up. How I help me foodchick survive visits with
hers foodpeople?


Hi Hermes,
how you? How you teef? Me sorry to hear that your foodchik's foodchik is making your foodchik rinsane. Me asked foodchik what you might could do about that. Her said her always found bourbon very helpful. But here what me fink you should do, sit on her lap and whispery in her hear that we need fitch. And that will cornfuse her and her will stop bringin' fings up. When you foodchik is talking to herselfs, lick her head and whispery in her hears to try bourbon. Me fink that will help, if it not, lemmeno and me will fink up sompin elst.

Goodluck,
yourfriend, sharkbutt

Rain

Me no mind rain too much except it make the snaks stay home. Me like to watch the snaks romp and stomp. Foodchik won't let us out to play wif them or eat them and that are probably better but me would like to play wif them, not eat them so much.

It a quiet day here, me watching foodchik take a nap, her like Puppy the evil, her sleeps with one eye ball open. Puppy the evil say it cuz her all seeing and all knowing, foodchik say it cuz her had spraint her eyelid. Her odd.

Bosco You NOT Believe This

Me asked foodchik about the penguins and her telled me about them buying pagan babies that them never seent so them think the penguins ate the pagan babies. Me fink that why foodchik became a buddhisk, that make her a pagan and if them think her a baby, her will fool them. Her large and me fink her could jack some penguins up.

Yay! Bosco!

Deer Sharkbutt,

me woorried!!!! we are black n white....does that meen that we will gro up to be mean-assed penguins????????????????

yor frend,

Bosco!

PS--me not even Cat Lick, but foodchick was!


Deer Bosco,
Hi friend, how you teef? We not penguins, this how me no, you a dog, me a cat, we got foodchiks, and we are hims and an we not mean asses. Foodchik telled me hims not penguins unless them are wearing drags. Me not quite runderstand what drags are, me fink it has sumping to do wif clothes which me no wear. maybe foodchik will resplain it again. Foodchik say me a good kind of cat lick (cuz me a cat and me lick meself, her fink her funny, her not) her used to be a cat lick. now we buddhists. So no worry, you not a penguing.
have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Rinteresting From Uncle Bob

"Penguins are usually found in Catholic Schools. Early on they would make a habit of dressing in black with white trim. If you were a wise guy, they would beat you with a ruler or toss an eraser. Even though food chick dresses in black often, I doubt she is a penguin. I think she is more like a mute cow. She is very flatulent but she does not moo (often)."

Foodchik say it true about the penguins especially the beatings wif a ruler, her said her got them in college even. Them penguins sound mean like snakes to me. Foodchik not so flatulent as her used to be, me fink it's all the green and red shit her drinks.

Question

Harro sharkbutt,

It your friend yuki pappagorgio. How you teef? Mine good. Sorry you foodchicks teef not good.
I wonder why my foodchick judy go somewhere over two hours today. Her come back with puterguy minn and talkie bout llmam. Is he llama and new furry friend for me?

Your friend,

yuki pappagorgio

Hi yuki pappagorgio,
How you? My teef great fanks. how you?

My foodchik went out for a little while a few timeses today, her camed back wif a newspaper one time, and renother time her comed back wif stuff from costco. lots of lettuce, i donut no what that about. her odd. her was talking about the llama too, me donut know who that is, we donut have room for one. Her watching CNNN now that Wolf dude are odd.

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

If you got the Fitch bowl, like I recommended, you could catch your own fitch. But then again, your foodchick has a humorous side and she will probably get you piranhas just for the entertainment value.

UB



Deer U Bob,
You are right, her do have a mean streak, her mean like a snake. Yes, her would get piranhas, and Puppy the evil said it would bite off my hoofs and I'd have to get hooks to catch fitch.

You would knoww if her a penguin right? Are her?
Fanks,
your friend Sharkbutt.

A Joke from me Friend Yuki

Harro sharkbutt,

It your friend yuki pappagorgio. I wondering if you like hear joke. Here it go...

Q: What do Penguins have for lunch?
A: Icebergers.

I hope you like joke. It funny talk penguins and stuffs.

Have fun day.

yuki pappagorgio

Hi Yuki,
how you? how you teef? better than foodchiks me fink!
ha! me like your joke.
fanks for writing me and if you have any questions that cool too.
have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt

Guest Post

Greetings, I am writing in place of the black and white simp Sharkbutt. I am Puppy the Queen of the Lane. We were missing an integral portion of the history of the large one's acquisition of other mangy rat bastard cats. The Striped relic. He is striped, so she named him Stripe, speaking of simps, she's a big one. But she does bring the opposable thumbs and one really cannot underestimate the value of that. Anyway, she and I were close, shared our thoughts and dreams (of fish) she got me a credit card and well, then she decided I needed the companionship of another cat. She meant well, but really, I hate cats. Despise them. Except for me, of course. So somehow she finagled this small striped menace of a kitten, and in what I found to be an absolute stroke of genius she locked him in the pest bathroom. This, not surprisingly, was on the pretense that it was warmer in there. Warm being a relative term and one that only applies to the ambient temperature in here if it's 90 degrees outdoors and the air conditioning has broken, or if heaven forfend, it were on fire. Alas, though, I digress. Gradually she gave the Striped menace the run of the house where eventually he met with my disapproval and swats, neck grabbing and other forms of domination. We had an uneasy alliance which held together rather well, until the arrival of the black and white simp Sharkbutt. They had both grown upon me quite like a fungus although the large one suggests that perhaps I've mellowed in my old age. To that I simply say; "my ass!"

Whoa!

Her comed back from somewhere and her face was kind of largeness on one side, her put ice on it and me asked her foodchik is this what you mean by rinflammation? And her said, yes, sharkbutt that kinda what me mean. Me said hmmm, foodchik are you a penquin? Her said no, me a people. Me said darn! Foodchik said, are you disappointed sharkbutt? Me said a little. Her asked why and me said cuz we would have more fitch. Her said hmmm. Then her said sharkbutt, penguins eet a lot of fitch and them catch them themself. Could you catch your own fitch? Hmmm. I guess me need her.

So, Maybe Her Not A Cow

Her do kinda look like them but bigger

Me not worried, me still cute

Her calling me Scarface, and her fink her funny! Her are a cow and her moo!

We Had To Have A Little Chat

Me and the foodchik, her go to someplace called Jim and comeback sweaty. Her drink some water and pretend she can stretchy. Then her put on ice, so me sat down and licked her head and said foodchik we need to talk. Her say Sharkbutt you seem rupset, what you wanna talk abouts? Me said foodchik, what wif the ice, are sompin wrong wif you that you not telling me? Her said sharkbutt, me get rinflammation sometimes and if me ice myself, me donut get it. Her said sharkbutt, rinflammation is what happens when you sprain yourself, strain yourself or mess sumping up. Her donut make mutch sense so me went here.
Wikipedia

It don't say anythin about ice, me think her probably a penguin like that Sarah Pale-end, her just not telling.

Ok, Ok, Already

Puppy the Evil standing on me neck while I do this. Her said I have to tell the story of how she got foodchik. Many years ago when foodchik was much younger and less mooier, her looked around her houst and said me really need a cat here to lively the place up. So her telled her friend C-zersfoodchikdonna, and c-zersfoodchik says, me got cat wif kittens living under me deck, we will find res-q's for the kittens and you take the mom cat. The mom cat was Puppy the Evil. So foodchik when to house of C-zersfoodchik donna, C-zer delocalized now, but him was the biggest dog ever, even bigger than foodchik and her huge. So foodchik and the other foodchik went under the deck to wrangle the catlets, they got Puppy the Evil first and put her in one giant sized crate and then put the little catlets in another giant sized crate. It took a while because them are simple (the foodchiks) and cats even catlets are smart. So P the E went home wif foodchik, and the catlets got them own foodchiks.

My story more rinteresting but Puppy the Evil has taken her hoof off me neck so me happy now.

And Then Sometimes Foodchiks Just Know

Hi Sharkbutt! How you teefs? My teef good.

One day me was in pets stor, and me had to share a liddle crappy cage wif anodder puppy and me stanked besides all that, me had been there for a while and nobodee buyed me. Then a lady camed in and she were looking for a dog wif polka dots cos a pschic foodchik had telled her that her favorite old dog Sundance was worried about a dog wif polka dots and that she shood look for that dog cos that was the dog for her.

Well, she seen me there in my crappy little cage wif me polka dotted legs and she say, let me plz see that puppy there, and they put me in a liddle room wif her and she liked me. She say to dem, give this here puppy a baff, cos he smelp bad, and then me gib you three hunerd n some dolla, and then me take this puppy home.

So they baffed me, and she carried me out to her car and we vrommed to foodchik's house! There were two odder dogs there, one called Queen Molly and the odder one called Alex. Alex were oldish, but Queen Molly and me liked to play, at least after i took a day or two to learn to how to run cos I had nebber been in wide open space before like in foodchik's yard!

My foodchik told me that me were speshul, she cood tell. Even though I piddled on the rug and chewed up some of her books cos me were small and dint know things yet. But now me a star and foodcchik love me more than anything or anybodee!
Me lub foodchick, too, especially wen she makes PIZZA! and gibs me some!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco,
Me glad you teef good. You foodchik good too? Fank you very mutch for telling me your story. Me happy you and you foodchik found each other. Me even glad Big Stripey and Evil Puppy found my foodchik. They kept her warm for me. And I fink even bought her pizza to eat. Or something. Me don't fink foodchik payed any munny for any of us, but her cheep so me not sooprised at all. Her kinda simple too, me was talking to Puppy the Evil cuz we bofe noticed her wearing too different shoes on her back feet. Me asked Puppy the Evil if we should maybe tell her and her said no, lets see if her go out like that. Her didn't yet, but there still time. Her make me laff.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Yay A Question

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi how you? how you teef? Me have a question for you. how do you pick the right fooddude or foodchik?

Fanks,
Ethelbert

Deer Ethelbert,
How you? How you teef? Me teef good. That a excellent question and me talked to foodchik about it because her know stuff about how foodchiks think. When me was a kitten, me and my brothers were res-q'd, me fink that foodchik code for ooooooooooh, cute kittens, lets take care of them so they don't make more that will eat all the food. after e were res-q'd we went to antdoctorkellys office and we growed up there until we were old enough to not need bottles any more and big cats taught us how to use the box and eat and stuff. At the same time foodchik looked around her house and said me fink we need one more cat because it will be funner. So when you have res-q people who know foodchiks or fooddudes that need one more cat then you are in luck. Them come to meet you and you sniff them and if you like them and purr at them and they smelp ok, not mean, then you found you a foodchik or fooddude. Me remember that after foodchik met me and my brothers - my brothers already had fooddudes and chiks coming to get them. Her said to ant doctorkelly can I take him to go? And her said sure. And that my story about how I got this foodchik. Mostly it luck and somebody res-q-ing knowing good fooddudes and chiks.

Her Fink Her Are Funny

Her not funny. Her are a cow and her do moo. Somebody ringed the doorbell, usually when somebody ring the doorbell it either the Blue chick or the Brown dude. Every onst in a while it someone from FedRex. But today it were little kids, me find little kids respicious, foodchik have no candy in the house so her gived kids granola bars and me fink tomatos. Her are not right in her head, who give someon tomatos. Me guess me should be glad they didn't give them any tuney fitch. But then her sneaked into the back yard so her no hear the door ring. And me can see her, her laughing herself sick.

Yay! Bosco!

Hi Sharkbutt!!! It's me, yor frend Bosco!

You anser kwestions real good, so me gots anodder one!

If someone put a ten penny nail in some coked-up cola, and anodder ten penny nail in some cat vomick, which would dissolve the penny firstest? Me say cat vomick, foodchick say coked-up cola. Who iz rite?

Or shood we be asking Villidge Carpenter?

Fanks,

yor frend Bosco!

Hi Bosco my frend!
Fanks for the nudder question, me love them. Me fink it depends if the coked-up cola is diyit, the ten penny nail will resolve in it first. Otherwise me fink probably the cat vomick, but only if it not hairy vomick.

Have a happy day,
sharkbutt

Me Love Another Question

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi, How are you? How are your teeth? My question is how does it work when you lick your foodchiks head to calm her down, and when you talk to her what do you say?
Thanks,
Squonky

Dear Squonky,
How you? How you mom? Me good, me teef good too. How your teef? This is a very good question. Me don't recommend you try licking anyone's head cuz you not a cat and digesting hair will make you fart, not like us, we vomick. Anyway, try petting them head. Me not sure how the technical stuff works, but here why me fink it work. To lick her head foodchik have to be lying down for me to reach it. That relaxing for her. And anybody rubbing her head is relaxing for her, it make her less deranged and stuff. What me say to her is usually, foodchik you home now, you fed cats, you brushed your teef, all you got to do now is breathe. So rihale and rexhale and do it again. After her calmed down and is breathing good, me tell her a story. Her have 2 favorites but her fall asleep once me start telling them. IT good when her fall asleep so I can look inside her mouf to see if her have any fitch her not share wif me. It not that her hog it, but sometimes her hog it.

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Finally

Her turned the heat on. Her comed home saw me and big stripey and puppy all piled on the chair, laffed and called us catsicles and said me better whoop up some heat for you. Me going to hide her seeing glasses her a cow and her moo.

COLD COLDNESS

It are cold, it were snowing, it now raining, her still have windows open. Her are resane and crazinuts. Me going to have a chat wif her in a minute. Her need to turn the heats on.

Me Love Questions!

Hi Sharkbutt, how you teef?!? My teef good.

So, dooz this make your foodchik be like a snack, like the snacks that fly around outdoors?

Once, foodchick's old dog, Sundance, caught a hoppy snack. Me werent there but me heard the storee. Foodchick were horrified and say, why you kill tha Eester Bunny? Then she were sad cos Sundance had been so proud and bringed it to her as a giff, and foodchick loved Sundance the way she love me, which is to the moon n back. But she still felt bad for da Eester hoppy snack. Her hart is all mooshy goo.

Yor pal,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco, How you? me glad to hear your teef good. My teef good too.

That a rinteresting question, snaks are kind of like morsels, foodchik would feed lions for a week so her not quite a snak. Her more like a feast.

Me fink if we kilt the easter bunny guy foodchik would cry to, her hart is mooshy goo too. Recept for when her no have one. hahahahaha! Sometimes me call her the world's only living heart donor.

Have a happy day, your friend Sharkbutt

Hmmm, Her Might Be Getting Old?

It were weird, foodchik sleepededed in until after the sun was up today. Her donut usually do that. Me licked her head, and said foodchik are you ok? Her said, yes, sharkbutt, me good. Me asked her why you sleep so much? are you old? Her said, me rexercised alot, when me were at aikido.

That resplains it, me watched aikido wif the foodchik on youktube and them make her fly. Her large. It will be a lot of work for her to fly even a little.

Her Make Me Laugh

Her so simple. Yesterday her was making granola for dinner, and by making it me mean pouring it out of the box and putting some soy milk (YUK!) on it then her got the bright idea to put some cinnamon sugar almonds on it and this are the most best funniest part, her put jalapeno smoked almond on it. her makes the best faces, her looked like her ate a turd. Me laff just finking about it!

How We Roll

Me don't know how it work at your house, because well, me not there. Me here, with foodchik and Puppy and Stripe. Foodchik go someplace most days and come back talking to herself. Sometime her bring food. Sometime her bring shoes. Me like food. Me don't care so much about shoes. Sometime me like clothes, me like foodchik sweatpants very much when her not wearing them. Me may have mentioned before that her keep it cold enough in here to hang meat. Sweatpants are very cozy for sleeping. It like sleeping in a tunnel of warm. This is good.

One day me was sitting on foodchik head and talking to her, her said Sharkbutt you look reesturbed, is somping the matter. Me said foodchik, me just wonder why it gotta be so cold in here all the time. Her said well, you and the big cats have fur and I'm fluffy so me figured we all be more comfortable if it's coolish in here. Me said foodchik, me see me breath in here. It not very comfortable. Her said hmm. Her do moo!

My Mouth Is Smiling and Dancing and Happiness

Why? Because her made us fitch, on the fitch griller fing, outside. And it was nekkid fitch which is happiest for me because it tastiness and remazing. Foochik is the bestest foodchik on the planet. Me love her and fink her the bestest. Talk to you later, me going to do a dance for her!!! Yay! The Fitch Dance!!!!!

Hmmm, Me told her so

Me told foodchik, no ice in the bed, it bad for you teef. And now me right, her have a sneezy cold. Her need to listen to me, I said, foodchik, you keep it cold enough in here to hang meat, you not meat, me and the big cats not meat. And you sleep with ice in the bed, there's going to be trouble and now her sneezing. The sneezing is risturbing, because me sleep right on her belly, then her sneeze so me bounce, then we laugh. It odd, but we make our own fun.

Her Make Me Resane

in my brain. Her doing Aikido again. Me realize that it keep her off the street and so forth but me are utterly mystified at this whole business off ice in the bed. Her have baggies of ice on her front and back. Know how me find this out? Me hopped up to give her some licks on her head and tell her her bedtime story. Yes, her have a favorite, no me not telling you what it is. Anyway. Me hop up and to her chests, what me? cold iceness. It unnatural. Like freezing fitch. Her deranged and we going to have a talk.

Guess What?

Me had a team named after me
Team Sharkb

You can look for it here. I'll even tell you the deal. Foodchik had a granma, granma's are like extra bestest foodchiks. Anyway, foodchik never got to meet this granma cuz her died of breast cancer when foodchik fooddad was just young. So her bothered her friends into walking wif her and them camed back smelping of a lot of different people and help to make money for breast cancer research. So, here's what me fink you should do. Look down, if you see two feet, you ought to find one of these walks and walk in it, or run if you like that. And if when you look down you see two breasts, you should take care of them. Trust me, me know what me talking about

Fanks So Much Sara Pale-end

You no me would rather walk on my lips then criticize democracy and stuff, but these debate peeple make foodchik craziness. Me had to lick her head for a hour to calm her down the other night. Her rant and rave, them people no ever answer questions and knock off the folksy bullshit, me are rellergic to charm. Ok her no say rezactly like that, her used more bad words. A lot more.

So me fink hiding the remoke control will help. Me don't need her any more resane them her are fanks.

From Bosco the Best Dog ever

Dude!!!!!!!! Fink how mushness PIZZA! and fitch there mush be in the whole erth!

Um...wut ish marridge, ennyways? Ish it like margarine? Or porridge? And who ish attacking it?? Bears? Goldilox? Me all cornfused again.

My foodchik say she ish kinda sooprised that claude aiken comed out of the closet. She rememba him from old Twilight Zones n stuff.

If claude aiken ish homeless-sexual, then me donut fink my foodchik can be, cos she always lookink at tv and fallink off the couch saying "what a woman!" So, I dun fink she likes boys, except ME!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco,
how you? How you teef? Me no back in the day marritch was how men buyed women to slave up for them. me not sure what it about now. and me not sure quite what attacking it unless it cicadas them loud attacker fings like them people on tv always yelling about preligion and junk.

I not sure if Back Akin is homeless sectional or what, me donut no what even that mean. Me and big stripey, we both boy cats, we groom each, and romp and stuff. we not homeless or sectional.

But them a lot a fitch and pizza in this world. did we ever figure out if there a pizza fitch?
me forget,
have a happy day, your fiend
Sharkbutt

Now Me confused

There are baseball on the radio and footsball on the tv. So them talking about homeruns but them are kicking and stuff on the tv. Me so confused and her probably fink it funny. Perhaps me have mentioned her are odd.

Food chik ranting and ravin

Someone named Dirt, wait her said him name is Clay, camed out of the closet and her want to no why this is news? Why it ever news? Me wake up, and come out of the closet everyday, sometime a couple a times. Me no hear foodchik snorp in there, and it not usually care, but me digress. Why do anyone care? Why do anyone not already figgered it out? Did him not sing show tunes? Hello! Her rant and rave about these defending marriage noise people too. Me fink her on to somping, defending marriage from what? the 50% divorce rate? maybe if them'd leave the gays people alone the closet cases wouldn't get married and then have very public divorces like here wif that governor dude and him beard. Why worry about gays and not that exgovernor dude from NY and him ho's? It seem to me that peeple make a whole lot of noises about this stuff so them can pretend them no hear what really going on. You want to really see some action on defending marriage? start talking about making it illegal for everybody, cuz them talking about it being a religical thing. ok, separate your churchy and state stuff and make them tax benefits go away. And if people cannot collect on spousy social security, that should save some money like them always hollerin' about.

And me and Bosco and Queen Molly and the big cats should take over the earth.

Foodchik are odd

Her took this picture and asked me if the skull make her ass look fat. Her ass not in the picture so how me know?

Me and Foodchik

we had a chat about her being away, her said Sharkbutt me would never go to Jupiter wifout you, you are my trusted translator of the Jupiterian and me cannot remagine making that big long trip wifout you. Me did not fink you would like Aridzona because it hot and dry and stuff and you would have to be in the car and the rareplane and stuff. Me did fink you would be happier here at home wif the big cats and substitute foodchiks. (ok, me paraphrase but because her a good foodchik me trying to make her sound smartness) And her are smartness, but her are odd too. Her not really a cow, me used to say that to try and make her mad but Puppy telled me, her fink it cute and it no make her mad. Puppy fink I'm silliness, because her telled me this. Her kinda mean, not nice like foodchik.

From Bosco and Him Foodchik

Dude!! my foodchik wants ta say sumpin to ya and me said was okay. Okay?

Yor frend,

Bosco!

Hello little Sharbutt! I just wanted to say, that right from the first time I visited your blog, I found it to be clever, funny and original...a true joy! *winks*

Shay, Bosco's Foodchik

(note from Bosco)wut i fink she mean iz dis--dat you blog ish like yummy fitch!!!! And PIZZA!

Deer Bosco, sure it ok, you foodchik good wif you, her good wif me. Fanks for translating, too. your friend Sharkbutt.

Hi ShayBoscosFoodchik,
Fank you for saying such nicely fings about me blog. Me see why Bosco like you so much, me thought at first it was because him seem robsessed wif this pizza fing. But you nice.

Have a happy day, be good to your teef!
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Reward for Me

Me got this reward from ShayBosco's Foodchik, Bosco is the best dog ever. This her blog, me like it, Foodchik love it. ShayBosco's Foodchik

We love Tiger and Lucy's Foodchiks Blog too, her sassy and talk about her boy a lot. We like him. Tiger and Lucy Foodchik and Boy

And we love Shazza's too: Shazza!

Qwestion From Bosco

Hi Sharkbutt, ish dat Jupiter?????

yor frend,

Bosco!

Dear Bosco,

Hi, how you? Me good. Her say it the Grand Canyon, me say it Jupiter, but me are irked that her went wifout me. If she has another catlet translating for her up there me will not be remused. Your friend, Sharkbutt

Foodchik say fank you for the reward, your foodchik rock.

Her Are Back.

This where her were at. Her went wif her foodpeople (Sharkbutt, I think you mean my parents.) Whatever. her back, her odd and her smelp like desert.

Her Fink Her Are Remusing

Her are not. We tolerate the booming singing of What New Pussycat? because it make her be all jolly and laughing. Me try and talk her out of ranswering the door in her sarong and tattoos. But her not eating meat or fitch or chickens and me no like it. And if her do eat chickens it wif lemons, me hate lemons. Her not right. and her a cow and her moo.

Question from Bosco, the coolest dog ever

PS--she still on a die-it, how me get her off die-it so me can get PIZZA! again? (yesh, dats a kwestion)

Hi Bosco, how you? How you teef? How to get her off die-it? that hard, me fink if you take her for lots of long runs around and play wif her a lot so her get lots of rexercise that will help. Sometimes to get fitch me just look sad, and whimper a little bit. foodchik always fall for that. What we do when we want fitch is start reading her mail, Big Puppy get credit card offers because her get magazines and stuff. So we just use one of them to order up a side of tuna or beest. Maybe that could work wif your pizza dude and foodchik.

Good luck wif that. And foodchik say tell your foodchik good luck wif her die-it, your friend sharkbutt and her foodchik who are nuts.

Foodchik are odd

Not for any new reasons, you know the usual. Her come in the house singing what new Pussycat? to us. Her snarfles my belly and growls. Her tell us all that we her favorite cat. And her let me help her wif the bubbles on bubble wrap. And now, her got this cow fing that flies across the room and moos. Like her. Well, her moo, her no fly across the room.

Cornvention

Foodchik had some of the Cornvention on the TV and it look like them people have been eeting too much corn or them need to fart. Much trapped hot air anyway.

Me Got A Question

How me get foodchik to stop snorping? It were so bad last night that her waked her and me up. And her sat up real quick so me went flying.

Back!

Hi, how you? How you teef? Me back, me been watching the Olympics while me and foodchik visiting Jupiter, me translate for when we there. Her runderstand Jupiterian but her speak it wif a accent and me don't so it just easier. But because her runderstand it me no can make smart remarks wifout getting caught, not like wif Japanese where me just make all kind of outlandish cracks and her just nod and smile and them think her nuts. Me been wondering about them people who swim. Are they fitch? Or just fitch like? Do them like fitch? Or just act like fitch? Will them tasty like fitch? Me been pondering a lot. And then me sit on foodchik head and ask her these questions. And her answer them for me.

Foodchik says no, Sharkbutt, they are not fish, I mean fitch, they're somewhat like fitch because they swim but they don't have gills or flippers and they donut have to live in the water to stay alive. I'm sure that some of them like fitch and I'm guessing that no, they probably donut tasty like fitch.

Sometimes foodchik make up more rinteresting stuff than this. I no tell her but me usually like the made up stuff better because it more rinteresting.

Question

Dear Sharkbutt, I have 3 cats, 2 boys and 1 girl. One of the boys jumps on and tries to eat the girl cat, how can I make this stop? Thanks, your friend, 3 catz foodchik

Deer 3 catz foodchik, Hi, how you? How you teef? Fanks for writing me this question, me asked my foodchik and her said, one thing is to keep them separated. If that no work, then you might should squirt them wif water. We hate being squirted wif water. Me try to jump on Big Stripey when him camed back from the hospital one time, and foodchik wiped a towel on me and big Puppy then wiped it on big Stripey so that him smelped like us. So try that too. Have a happy day, your friend, Sharkbutt

Question, Me love Questions.

Hello Sharkbutt, dis is Queen Molly, Bosco's big sister and Shay the Foodchick's #1 girl. me got kwestion wen you get chance.

Evry nite, Foodchick's huge butt takes up at least a quarter of the bed. Isnt it cleer that i need at least mostly all of it? I am the Queen, after all. Bosco can stay, I know you and him tight. But how me get Foodchik to scootch her big hoomin butt over to, like, the edge?

Fank you in advanse.

Molly, resident Queen

Hi Queen Molly,
How you? How you teef? How you foodchik? How you foodchik teef? I fink you getting a pretty good deal if you foodchik only taking up a quarter of the bed. But if you want her to move her butt, get you a drink of water (even better get a drink of her icy cold drink, keep your tongue really wet and cold if you get ice cubies in you water, then lick you foodchik butt. her will move like it on fire. this work really good on me foodchik and her butt are big like Jupiter where her queen of.
have a happy night,
your friend sharkbutt

Question from Foodchik

Sharkbutt, Why do you lick my head so much? Is it because you're a catlet? Thanks, foodchick.

Deer foodchik, wow, we desperados for questions now or what? Me lick your head for very simple reasons, one is that you head is salty and two is that you put avocado tasty fings in it. Me like that. You like avocado, why you sooprised me do? Me have a question for you, why you feet so big? Fanks, your friend Sharkbutt.

Yay

Foodchik got a massage, which besides meaning her can stop whining about her arm, it mean her smelp like massage grease and even better her tasty like it too, Her going to take a nap soon and me going to lick grease! Yay!

Me Gotta Question

How can me tell if foodchik are right in her head? Big Stripey said just make sure her in betweenx her ears. Him a simple dude. Puppy says me should knock on her head, see if anyone home. Her are not hopeful.

Any ideas?

Me not sure what goes on in that head

but me pretty sure it not mutch. Ok first her fink her going to get us to use the toilet where her go. Her had got a fing that would make it easy for us to use it but her tend to overlook how mutch cats hate to drownd. And really it makes us laugh lots and lots and lots to watch her try and show us how to do it. But this not working so well recept for entertainment value.

So now her got these fings...Tidy Cat there one problem wif it, big Stripey no fit so him end up peeing on the floor, one time and then another time on her foot. That maked me laugh, me thought me would pee on her foot. Good her got them cheep from Ramazon, now her probably going to go back to teaching us how to use the toilet. It will be hilarious. Foodchik are resane.

Rexercise!!!

Foodchik rexercised today and we did wingmills on the floor, well, until her dropped us and picked up the dumbbells (which you might fink are the big cats hahahahah, me funny). Me like to rexercise wif foodchik, it fun. Her did squats wif me wrapped around her neck.

Her Make Me Wonder...

a lot. The other day her said Sharkbutt, let's talk. Me fink, uh oh. what her going to tell me? We getting another cat? And her said no, sharkbutt, I know you don't like it so much when I come home smeling of other animals and I know I'm going to come home smelling like dogs, maybe cats and a horse and maybe some other stuff I don't know about yet. Me said foodchik me reprreciate you telling me so me not surprised when you come home smelling like you petted every dog ever.

So her comes home and her smells like dogs - lot of them, and a horsebutt. (her call them horses, me call them horsebutts) So me said foodchik, how you like the horsebutt? and her say sharkbutt him was very nice but him kind of scary cuz him have a bad leg and can lose him balance, that why me went to see him to see if reiki will help him feel better. And me said foodchik, you fink it did? Her said her don't know, cuz her couldn't ask him. Me told her that reiki help everything. all the time.

Me donut know if her believe me.

Pollution

We watch weather channel a lotta much, and them talked about air pollution. Me asked foodchik to resplain to me what air pollution is, but me wasn't understanding. Then her came home from eating Indian food, and now me know. Wow! That are scary.

Question!!! Me LOVE Questions!

deer Sharkbutt,

Hi, itsh me, Bosco! How you teef? Me herd someone singing, pussycat pussycat where have you been, I've been to London to look at the Queen, and me thot WOW it musht be about Sharkbutt (!!!) and his foodchik the Queen of Jupiter! Is it???????????

yor frend,

Bosco!

deer Bosco,
Hi, How you, Bosco? How you teef? How you foodchik? Me teef good fanks. Ya know me don't know if that song are about foodchik and me. Me don't fink her have ever been to London and me know me never been to London. But her do sing What New Pussycat to me every day almost. It a terrible racket but me got used to it.

Me have a question for you - you like getting your toenails clipped? Me not mind it recept when her cut too much toenails off. Big Puppy hates it. Her tried to eat foodchik head.

Have a happy day, your friend, Sharkbutt

Me Love Questions

Dear Sharkbutt, How you? How you teef? Me have a question for you? How do you get your foodchik or fooddude to not cook stuff so much? Her cooks everything to death, and me like them a little closer to mooing - ha, like your foodchik? Fanks, Marvin

Deer Marvin, HI!!! HOW YOU? HOW YOU TEEF? HOW YOU FOODCHIK? still cooking like a nut, it sound like. Me donut no how you can get her to cook fings not so burnted. But when foodchik cook inside me will usually mess wif the timer so stuff no cook so long as her fink it will ha! Try that, your friend Sharkbutt

Fireworks

Them are loud, me no like them. So me talked to foodchik about them and her said Sharkbutt, me runderstand you no like them, them are loud so me won't make you watch them, and you can just hide somewhere quiet if you like. Or you can watch them wif me. me will protek you and see if them at least rinteresting for you to watch. So me did, and me was sooprised that me liked them. Me glad foodchik protek me though, them still loudness.

Siiigh

Foodchik are crazed lately, even more than her usually are. Her comes home from work and just talk at herselfs and then her answer herselfs. So then me sit on her head and say chik what the matter, why you talking to yourselfs? And her say Sharkbutt, me a bean counter not a moust whisperer, but nobody asking me to count beans, just tell the mouses to go out of where me work at.

Me said foodchik, them not always mouses, them always beans to count. Take a deep breath, count some beans and then go talk to the mouses. It be ok.

Her say fanks sharkbutt, you give very good revice.

Him Are Back!

When foodchik camed back from where her go to make money her bringed big stripey wif her! Me happy him back. Her happiness too. It big Puppy birfday today, not really, we donut no when her birfday really is but today is 10 years since her teached foodchik to be a foodchik. So foodchik put a candle in the food, her blow it out, we eet it. Oh and her sing, kind of bad. It sounds like someone stompin kittens.

Ru'roh

Foodchik took big Stripey to ant doctor Kelly today, him could not pee. Him had to stay there and me hope him ok. Me fink foodchik are rupset.

WEIRD

You know me would rather walk on my lips that say sumping bad about foodchik, but me cannot believe her catcheded a moust, her no seem that smart. And if me did not see the picture me would have thinked her was lying. Not that her lie much, but her rezaggerate when her tell time.

So maybe her learned sumping about catching mousts from me, a cat foodchik mind meld. That must be it.

Question from Shay Bosco's Foodchik

to sheena and sharkbutt, ok, sharkbutt and sheena.


Guess what? I am the featured Poet of the Week on Poets Who Blog! Pretty cool, huh? I hadn't even known, until someone commenting at Word Garden mentioned it. STRUT PREEN.

May I ask your cat a question, please? He does seem to enjoy them. Here is mine: Where does tuna fish come from? Are there little round cans swimming around in the sea?

xo

Shay, off to the salt mine





Hi Shay Bosco's Foodchik,
how you? how you teef? Me like you question very mutch, and when me was a baby cat me finked that tunee fitch swam around in cans out in the sea but then Puppy used her credit card to get us a side of tunee (this are half a tunee fitch that someone catched in a boat), foodchik said it was 70 lbs and it were nekkid, without any can around it, foodchik said fank god it were cryovacked. So me fink that maybe there no can on it when it swimming you know if half of one is 70 lbs, that would be one big ol' can.
That are a happy fing about you being featured poemtry chik. You very versatile, foodchik and a poemtry that very good.
fanks for asking me questions, me love to answer them.
have a happy day your friend, sharkbutt

So her decide to clean carpets

and we get wet feet from that. Me hate wet feet, especially from cleaning stuffs. Then her did sumping, me sill no sure what but then we get sparks from the wall and he relarms went off and stuff. Me HATE when the relarms go off, them make me ears bleed. Then yesterday her pulled it apart, me was waiting for sparkies and relarms again. But her got smart and called someone to come and fix the fing and no relarms went off. Me hate relarms.

Foodchik Just Crack Me Up

It very hot outside, me like it. Her like it cold enough to hang meat in here but it either too hot outside or too respensive for her to run the cold airs too much. So me fink it funny that her sweaty and talking to herselfs. Ha!

YAY! Another Question

Hello Sharkbutt!

It's Shay, your buddy Bosco's foodchik! Would you answer a question for me, please? I am thinking that, since your foodchik is Queen of Jupiter, that maybe you know lots about the cosmos. Here is my question: Are there cats in outer space?

Thank you, sir.

Shay

Hi ShayBoscosFoodchik,
How you? How you teef? Me happy to answer all of your questions. There are cats in outer space and what most peoples donut no is that on Jupiter where foodchik are queen, the boss people are cats and her basically go up there, help them open food cuz her got thumbs, them no do, but them do have 5 ears instead of only 2. Then her come back to be their rambassordor to earth, me and the big cats keep a eye on her. But we never been to Jupiter, we like hired help.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

PS - me love questions!

Oh Boy A Question, Almost as happy as Fitch

deer sharkbutt, hi itsh Bosco!!!!

R u afrade of storms???? I yam, a liddle. It ish rainink, and me laying on my foodchik's bare feets cos then she cant exscape wifout that i know aboud it. Plus, it makes me feel safeness. Ushually, me proteck her, but wen it rains, she proteck me. She don't moo ad all and me lov her.

yor buddy,

Bosco!

Deer Bosco, Hi, how you? How you teef?
Me are afraid of loud so yes me fink so me refraid of storms, me not wild about being wet either. Me usually hides under the bed it quieter there and that better and foodchik will say Sharkbutt it be ok, it be quiet soon. Me glad you chik no moo atall and youlovher. Me lov food chik too but me no fink me tell her especially since her stomped me like a grape but her ok. Fank you for riting me wif a question. have a happy day, your friend, sharkbutt

Me So Way Not Remused

it not even funny. Her stompedededed me, me fink her were sleepwalking and me was sleeping on the floor when her big old huff crashed down on mines. Me hided, and me could tell her felt bad about it so me punished her by hiding and then last night her made tunee fitch. That how me know her really felt bad. Haha. Me going to pretend her stepped on me tonight so me get more tunee. HaHA!

Rexercise!

Me love to rexercise wif the foodchik, her have us doing something called modified Turkish get ups, her have to modify them cuz her hurt her belly when big Stripey pushed her out of bed. Big Stripey really strong cuz the chik is really big.

Her Back

Her smelp weird and her hairs are fixed. But her were at work a long time, that never make her happy. But her seem like her in a good mood, her are singing to us. Her sing this fake opera-y fing where her either make up fake words or just sing our names. It make me laff. Her a good chik and her gaved us food.

Her Has Lost Her Mindlet

Her always say it too little to be allowed out by itself, her are right. Her decided that me and the big cats should go where her go. Yes, that kinda go. Her bribing us wif nip. Me wonder if that how her mother taughted her wif nip.

ME LOVE QUESTIONSSS!!!

deer Sharkbutt,

Itsh me! Bosco! Me have kwestion. Ish some kind of hoomin holiday and me thot, wull, maybe dis means PIZZA!!!! But nooOOOooo. My foodchik made chicken, and chicken ish stoopid cos I never get gaven any of it. She say some stoopidness about bones. My foodchik aint the sharpest penquin in da box, needer! I'm a dog! Like bones bodder ME!

So my kwestion ish, how does me get my foodchik to gib me the right food that i want???? Remember she not real swift.

Fanks!

plz sign me Confoosed In Mishigun

deer Bosco Confoosed in Mishigun,
Hi fanks from writing me, me love answering questions. Yes, it are some kind of hollerday, me can tell cuz foodchik hollering more than usual. To get your foodchik to give you some chiken, you can ask her for no bone chicken, it not as tasty but it fun. It weerd how foodchiks ain't the sharpest penguins in the box, maybe that why them need us to be the brains of the operation. Anyway, how we werked it here was that big puppy gets a magalzine and someone sent her a credit card so we order sides of tuney fitch. Makes foodchik lose her mind and it relegal so donut do that. What me do, and donut tell my foodchik is just be cute when her eeting somping me like. And whine just a little bit. Her can hardly ever resist. Well, recept if her eeting her fish oil pills for her heart. Then me just out of luck.

Oh me ast big stripey too, him said, you can try to hip-nose-tize her, me fink this means sticking your hip in her nose until her do what you want but it could mean that you trick her into ordering the pizza or fitch or chicken no bones. good luck. Big orangy says sometimes her herd from this rockwilder her knewed that if you eet poop, your chik will give you pizza to make you stop. Me fink this could be a lie, puppy are mean like a snake. (her memind me of foodchik that way and her a cow and her moo)

have a happy day, your fiend, sharkbutt

Hmmm

Me would not call foodchik a quick study but her do sumping today that me like. Her opened the door when her come home and said cats, me have sumping to tell you so me and stripey go see her and puppy just growl at everybody. Her no fink her a cat. Foodchik say before you smelp it, me been visited by dogs, yes, me pet them, but only cuz me was telling them about you all my favorite cats in the world. And them wanted to no all about you guys so me ended up giving lots of pets. Me are happy her told us and later when me sit on her head and talk me will tell her.

Sometimes Her Do Sooprise Me

So me had a chat with the chik about the ice on her and her resplained to me about rinflammation and how the ice help get it gone or not have it happening. Every time me might get to finking her not the sharpest penguin in the box, her sooprise me. Her said Sharkbutt, when you hurt youself, you body sends white blood cells to run to the rescue so you no get rinfection and that creates rinflammation when heat and chemicleeze are where you got hurt at. So the ice takes out the heat, and keeps your blood from moving fastly. Fings slow down so that inflammation happen slow or not at all. and fings no swell, this are happiness when fings no swell.

So now me glad her use the ice especially if it get her to romp and stomp wif us soon. (but her still moo)

It's time for a chat

Me can just tell. Foodchik came back from the torture and now her on ice. Me fink her just do the ice to keep cats offa her. It weird. Me going to lick her head and say chik, what up wif the ice.

Perhaps me Have Mentioned that Her are simple

Cuz her are. Somehow, donut ask me her break her belt, and her pants not really fit without it. Her can be clever so her managed to keep her pants on wif her binder clip. But then that braked, when her were answering the door so the UPS dude seent her dainties. And good that her weared them today.

More Fings

Foodchik niece person said that not ten things so me needs more.

Me did figure out why her can stand it so cold in here and her no have fur, her hands are hot, her put them on you, you fink you gonna cook. Me wonder if her can hold fitch in her hand and cook them.

The rest of her hot too, feets, head all the between. Not warm, like the big cats, hot like hot.

Her odd, and her take pictures of odd stuff, see above, it would be less odd if me could rotate it but me cannot. Yes, it's 3 skullnesses and yes them on a massage table. Her just not right in her head.

Fings

Every once in a while one of foodchiks niece people write me and ask me fings about foodchik. Her wanted to know 10 fings.

Do foodchik have hobbies? (me correcting the Inklish, this kid not so swift) Her itch a lot, and drool.

What her favorite color? Her wear a lot of black, but me heard her say that her favorite color are some kind of blueness.

What her favorite food? me want to say fitch cuz that me favorite food, but me know her seem to have an unhealthy robsession wif chicken.

What her real name? Foodchik's real name is foodchik. Though her mom call her Skull.

What her do for fun? Her pet me, sometimes her go in her kayak and fall in and touch fitch but not bring them home. Me a little bit bitter about this. Her read stuff.

What kind of mewsic her like? Hher like pretty much anything but Bluegrass. Even the plinky plink massage mewsic with water running in the background that make me need to pee.

Ok, me fink that 10. In case you wonder, her snorp and her moo.

God, Her Are Simple

Me really wondering about her, her hop around her like a nut and then talk about monkeys. What are her know about monkeys? Her should talk about cats and butts. That what her no about.

Hmm, Me not sure about this

Foodchik sat down and had a chat with the big cats and me. Her said 'cats, we are concerned with the renvironment aren't we?' and we said yes, of course, foodchik, we are concerned. Why? Foodchik said why don't we all use the toilet. Me said foodchik, you not have enough sense to use a catbox, how you going to teach us to use a toilet? Her said, me working on it. This is what her have in mind.

http://www.citikitty.com



Me will report more soon, but me fink this is going to be like monkeys flying out her butt.

Foodchik Says

there will be no monkeys flying out of her butt. Her said her was being facetious - that looks like some kinda word her just make up. Her do that a lot, make up words. Now me worried that monkeys will fly outta my butt, but foodchik said that her got me wormed when I was a kitten so not likely anything will fly out my butt.

So far

no sign of monkeys.

Sometimes

Me listen to foodchik on the phone and her say some weird stuff that make me think. Today her was talking to some fool or 'nother (me no this cuz her say fool telemarketer, me not talking to a machine) and then her say something like and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt. So me been following her around looking for the monkeys. Maybe them will come out when her asleep. Hmmm. Me will write more if me see them.

Foodchik and this massage stuff

Me are not remused, her smelp like 3 dogs that me donut no and a kitten, who me also donut no. So me said foodchik why you smelp like these dogs and what's the deal wif the kitten. Her said Sharkbutt them the same dogs as usual, plus one that cannot see and him bump into me. (how him miss her? foodchik are large) and the kitten had tests then her can go home to her foodchik in two weeks. And me said, foodchik is her foodchik someone I no? her said, Sharkbutt me don't know her foodchik but you revolve in different social circles than me so it is not me if that what you wondering. We agreed after you 5, maybe we will have another kitten.

Me happy now. Her a good foodchik and her hardly ever moo.

Fings that might help you

when you foodchik or fooddude are distracted. Foodchik usually distracted so mostly when talking to her no work. You no, when them just say yes, sharkbutt, yes and stuff like that, me find licking her head helps mostly because it tickles. But then sometimes her have the black thing in her ear and her say her on goddamn fucking hold. Me fink that probably not so nice a fing to say, and me fink her don't like being on goddamn fucking hold. So we were looking on the reputer for ways to not spend so much time wif the black thing in her ear and we found this.

http://www.gethuman.com/index.asp

It can help you to get a live foodchik or fooddude on the phone. Sometimes when foodchik is too easily remused her will call the yogurt companies and ask if her can eat the July 07 yogurt still. Them will say hey lady, me not going to tell you you can eat yogurt that's almost a years old. So that my other tip, me no necessarily fink it a good idea to eat yogurt past it date, even though foodchik do. I can't tell if it make her simpler or not. Although her are kinda simple even on a good day.

RELARMING!!!

Me don't hate much, but me hate when the relarm goes off. It is louder than bombs. Last night foodchik come home, her were covered in grease and dog hair. Me not remused by her and other dogs or cats or fitch, but me digress. So her whirl in and her act like her turned off the relarm then her went where go (if you know what me mean) and the relarm goes off. Up to then me was just looking out the front door looking for snax and oh wait me digress again. So her comes running out of the bathroom with her pants around her ankles then her turn off the relarm. But it gets worst, this morning, her opened the front door and her no turn the relarm off. LOUD!!! Me fink her will get a nasty gram from the homeowners ass.

Hi

Me not write lately because me been busy watching the snacks, I mean birds, and varmints springing around the outside. And chasing my Puppy the cat, her in training so me chase her. And Stripey the cat chases us both so we all rexercising. Then there's foodchik, her stand on these things that make her unstable so that her belly muscles have to work more. Me don't know why her think that her being more unstable a good idea though.

It chilly

and her have the window open, so we all fighting to sit on her lap to get some body heat. Brrrrrrrr. Her a cow and her moo.

Hmmm

Me might have mentioned that sometimes me lick foodchik head, and to tell the truth it's mostly so me can know if her leaking any brains. Becuz sometimes me wonder. Well, me fink me had a hairball and when me got it up there were blond hairs in it. Me no have blond fur, so me fink it hers. Ewwwwwww.

Question

Deer Sharkbutt, Hi, how are you? How are your teeth? I love my foodchik dearly but she doesn't seem to be the sharpest crayon in the box. How can I help her not get hurt from doing dumb stuff?
Thanks, your friend, Tank

Deer Tank, Hi, how you? Me good,fanks. Me teef good too. Me not too familiar wif crayons but me familiar wif dumb. Mostly what you can do is make sure her no play wif fire too mutch, and make sure her wear shoes and her glasses. That what me do. It no always work but we try. Sometimes what work for me is sitting down, licking her head and talking to her nice and calm (which is hard when them scare you bad) me say foodchik, you no should do fings wif fire if you no feel smart today. What you fink? and her will say, sharkbutt, you know you right but me didn't no me was not feeling smart until after me did somping dumb. (note from foodchik, he and I argue about the pronouns all the time, on his blog he uses his pronouns. note from sharkbutt, we rescussed this, let it go)

Hope this helps,
have a happy day,
Sharkbutt

Politics

As you might already know, cats don't get to vote. Me fink it wrong, but me don't drive either so that might be why. Oh and we don't pay taxes, which also might be why. Sometimes me read about these people that are running to be president and wonder why them want to do it. Is it the flying in their own plane deal, is it the nice house or is it the fitch? Me fink you should maybe vote for the one that looks like him or her would be nicest to cats. And watch them vice president too, the one we got now, him look like him eat cats.

Me Just Donut No

what get into her. Me was lying on the rack like me do. And her come out and snarfled my belly. Me didn't know what to do. It were rizarre. But it make me laff, me will see if me can do it to her. Hahahaha!

It back

and still a cow and still moo. Me are glad her back. We have a new mailbox, it have flamingos on it. Foodchik are robsessed wif flamingos. It could be risturbing.

NOT REMUSED

Foodchik are away and me are not remused. When her leave so do the heat, not that you can really call it that. As it not ever hot here, wif foodchik around. Her could have left meat out for us to eat and it would not go bad because her keep it so cold here. Her a cow and her moo!

Things

Foodchik made me change it from fings, me know her wrong. Me don't argue anymore. Her do make ok pictures though.

ICY

For reasons that rescape me sometimes foodchik puts ice on her back and front and sides and parts and stuff. And usually her have enough sense to say "Cats, me on ice." And then me will know not to hop on her icy spots because me hate icy spots. Well, her forget to mention it and me hopped on and then off. Her laughed. Her think her funny. Me know her not.

Someping broke

and her has lost her mind. Also, her brought the Z kid over here yesterday and Stripe hogged him. Stripe is such a people hog him oink.

Oh That Foodchik

So you might fink that foodchik is kind of smart aleck, and her do seem to be. See last week was April Fools day and me and the big cats do what we always do, put mouse toys in the toilet, it spew water all over the floor, foodchik yell, we laugh and hide. But not in that order. So foodchik found a picture of 5 catlets and sent it to her foodchik and fooddude and her sisters and brother in an email and said, "these guys were going to get the ax if they were not adopted tonight, so help me welcome them to the collection." So me heard foodchik talking to her sister M and M telled her that them mom foodchik was refraid it were true and foodchik were becoming a cat lady. And what would be wrong wif that? So finally foodchik mom call her, me usually call her ant granma when me see her, but her said Fool (that foodchik name) did you really name them five new cats, Elvis, Monkeybutt, Piggy Toes, Orangewhip and Pinky? And foodchik laugh and laugh and say no, me didn't really get them cats, April Fools. And then me laughed and foodchik laughed and ant granma laughed. And me made foodchik promise me that I can be the baby cat for a while still.

Why

are her posting on my blog? Anyway, you know how me was not speaking to foodchik yesterday because of the fitch thing. Well, her was supposed to be helping me wif my blogpost and Puppy frowed up on her. It was awesome foodchik yelled and was grabbing at her neck and yelled and cleaned it up. Me laugh, me laugh so much me fell off the couch.

So me went up to make sure her was ok, after her got out of the rainroom. Her said Sharkbutt, me noticed you were rupset wif me. Why you rupset? And me telled her. Her said Sharkbutt, me understand why you rupset and me no blame you but Ant Doctor Kelly say you cannot have people tunee fitch, otherwise me would make it for us all of the time. Me will ask her about crabbies and maybe we'll have some of that soon.

Me happy now, crabbies, even more better than tunee.

Thoughts!

It's baseball season, yay!

Last week as I was perusing the expenditures for the month, I noticed that I'd spent $500 on gas, and there was still a week left in the month. So, I said to myself, 'self this is insane.' I did me research, and realized that the kind of driving I do does not lend itself to the economies achieved by the hybrid. If I brake 5 times in 56 miles it's a lot. I researched the Toyota Matrix (love Toyotas, drove one for 354,000 miles, loved it) and the Mazda 3 hatchback. Love Mazdas, fun to drive. I've got 210,000 miles on my Mazda truck. After work on Monday, I moseyed out of the house with a number that would make me do a dance, and got a price that $700 below that. So I bought it Monday night. And saved $100 on gas last week. That doesn't suck.

So new car and new baseball season, life is good.

Me are not speaking to foodchik

Foodchik went out to eat last night and that fine. But her came home and me could tell her had had fitch for supper, because me looked in her mouf. And her no shared it wif me. So when it was time for bed me hided so her had to sleep by herselfs. Her are a cow and her moo, sneaky fitch eater cow.

Sometimes

Her make me shake my head. Foodchik are a trip. Me was reading her blog. Her help me wif this one and it gave her the idea to have one of her own. Her think her funny or something. So over on hers, her talking about nonsense. Big silly nonsense. If you know her, you might not be surprised be this. But her going on and on and on about Preparation H and how in it's ringredients, it have flavor. So what, everything have flavor. If me were her and me glad me not, me would worry way more about the road flare stuff in her ointment. Oh and if you want to see her silliness, it over here. Foodchik@blogspots. Me no recommend it. It too silly.

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? How you teef? Me have a question for you, what is the most rintersting fing about you foodchik? Most rinteresting fing about my foodchik is that her juggle my cat nip mouses.

Fanks, your friend,
Midnight

Deer Midnight,
Hi!!!! Me happy to hear from you. Not only because me love questions. How you teef? How you food chik? Me foodchik are rinteresting alright. Me fink the most rinteresting fing about her is that her chant in Tibetan. Oh and her snorp.
One of them is it.
Have a happy day! And write me more questions, me love them.
Sharkbutt!

IT FRIDAY

and foodchik are home wif us, her been out gallivanting every night this week. Perhaps me mentioned the leaving the burner on caper. We put a note on the door, it say 'yo, foodchik, you turn the burner off? Me fink it will work. But her are a cow and her moo.

Ru'roh

Foodchik went to the torturers tonight like her do every Wednesday night. But her left the burner on under the stove, me fink we have to make rules about this.

Happy Spring and Happy Easter

Me can tell it's getting Spring out because them are much more snaks (tweets, squirrels and bunnies) springing outside. Sometimes me wish foodchik would let us go outside to play with the snaks, I means tweets, squirrels and bunnies. But her no trust us. Every once in a while her have a brain fart and leave the door opened wif the screen opened by mistake and me go out to frolic and romp. But then usually her notice and holler cats real loud and me and the big cats know we gotta haul tail back into the houst.

Foodchik was trying to resplain Easter to me, but me not sure me get it. I can see being a nice fooddude but Him really went above and beyond you know? Like a bodhisattva kind of soul.

Rexercise Again

Foodchik was rexercising on the ball today, her have special ones that cannot pop. This is a good thing since me slipped and put me claws in it to hang on. Or maybe it was in her. Funny. But her no think so.

Her made me sit on her feets so her could do crunchy fings. That not so fun, her move her feets too much.

Where Fitch Live and Stuff

You might not know this about me but me love fitch. Me love to talk about them wif foodchik. Why fitch so tasty and why them make my mouth smile just thinking about them. And this morning me said foodchik, there are so many things me don't know about fitch. What can you tell me? And foodchik said Sharkbutt here is a picture of where fitch live.


If me had liked water me would think it is a beautiful place to live. But we are not so wild about the waves and carrying on. Them scares me. And so do these big tweet dudes. Foodchik says them catch fitch and eat them. Her also said that once her were walking by the beach and one of them dropped a clammy shell on her head. Me fink that might hurt. Her said it would hurt worse if the clammy was still in the shell and the tweet came to get it back.


Hmmm, since it's St. Patricks day maybe foodchik will make me some corned fitch and cabbages.

Things Me Fink

It seem that people get in a big uproar about sex, who doing what with who and who paying what for it. And me fink if you make promises to somebody you need to keep them. But me also fink, if people worry more about being good foodchiks and fooddudes and practice them yoga so them can reach everywhere them might want to reach to lick and scratch and so forth then nobody need to be paying anybody to lick them and stuff. Also, me fink that them need to fink would me like this if someone did it to me? And if answer is no, then don't do it.

Me was telling foodchik this and her regreed, her said sharkbutt me fink it will take some evolutioning for people to be able to reach to lick everything, we just not got portionally long enough necks for that sort of thing. Me said foodchik you funny. Now people gonna be in a uproar about evolutioning. Foodchik say, people were in a uproar about gravity once too and that's a law. Me said like the toast will land jelly side down law. Her said yep somping like that.

Hmm

Me notice foodchik not mention over in her blog that her only sleeping wif one cat these days. hahahahah. that cat would be me. Puppy no come upstairs too much anymore and Stripey. Him just banned me fink. hahahahah. Me laugh. Him a cow and him moo.

CHICKEN

Me going to tell you a secret about foodchik, her are obsessed wif chicken and (flamingos but that a whole nother story) anyway, mutch of what her cook here is chicken, sometimes oatmeal, but muchly alot chicken. Her will mostly smoky it, but sometimes her just cook it. Her no usually share, but her gived me some tonight. YUM! Her made good chicken stuff. Her should do more of it. Ha!

Mewsic

Dear Sharkbutt, Hi, how you? How you teef? Do your foodchik listen to mewsic? What kind her like? Me food dude is listening to death metal all the time and me shopping for a new food chik or dude. Fanks, your friend, Mao

Deer Mao, Hi, me good, me teef great, fanks for asking. Food chik listen to music, kind of a lot. We not so much with the death metal here, sometimes it's the plinky, plinky massagy enya stuff (me hate it wif water noise in the background, always makes me need to pee) listen to a lot of reggae, me favorite. and all kind of stuff, me even like the rap that we listen to. Me don't fink me would like if her only listened to one kind of thing. And really, me not supposed to say it, but her dance around a lot. And if her can reach me or Stripey - Puppy won't have none of it, her will dance wif us too. That pretty fun it like rexercise.
Have a happy day,
Sharkbutt

Hi

Not too much rinteresting happend besides rexercise, as always food chik is so radiantly festive that her twitch. Her came in from the raining out last night (her not always show that much sense, but me digress) and shook like we do to get dry, it no work so good for her but me laugh because her tried to shake dry so hard. Her a funny chik.

Rexercise

Foodchik did a new rexercise wif me today. Her have these things that her have to balance her feets on and then her had me in her hands and me got lifted over her head then down and like that for a bunch of times. It was funny, but we both got dizzy. Her more than me but her start off dizzier me think.

Puppy the Evil

Her look like a regular ray of sunshine, don't her? Her take after food chik, a world class ray of sunshine.


Me was actually giggling when that picture was taken. Foodchik telld a joke about the fitch, the plant food and monkey bars. It still make me laff.