Santy Claws Story

Santy Claws

The Santy Claws story as told by Sharkbutt to the food chik.

Me have heard the story about Santy Claws and the reincows that fly in the sleigh to bring presents on Christmas and how him live up at the north pole and stuff but the story changed over the years because global warming melting polar ice caps and Santy Claws and Mrs. Claws was afraid the elves would drown in all the water in the basement from the meltiness. Also, Grandma Claws wanted him to come down and live by her in Boca. So the way me get the new story is that Santy Claws has relocated to Florida because it’s God’s waiting room and him thinking then there is room for promotion (him silly, God not leaving Florida). And it is actually 15 pink flamingos in santy claus hats pulling the sleigh, not reincows cuz Florida too hot for reincows (and reindeers don't usually leave Norway or Greenyland and Icyland. So the flamingos names are Petunia, Anastasia, Reggie, Sneezy, Ethelbert, Smedwick, Clyde, Elvis, Pinky, Fartrinda, Buzzy, Perky, Lefty, Orson and Pete. Them are safer than reincows because flamingos already know how to fly and don’t need lessons, them pink so them easier to spot in the sky and when them poop the turds not so big as to be painful and flamingos no do that whole antler thing. But them are not vegetarians like reincows and so them turds smelp awful so it good them are small turds. Always tradeoffs in this life. Still the flamingos can fit down the chimney better than the reincows can, so them make it a much more refficient operation.

But me digress, so if you a good catlet, doglet, or kidlet santy claws and the ‘gos will bring you stuff. Me asked for strimps in a can, catnip because me love nip and tunee fitch because it makes me mouf smile to just fink about it, oh and whirled peas even though me no really like vegetables much but the foodchik said me should ask for it since me always get everything else me ask for from Santy Claws. But me not always get the strimps from Santy because the flamingos need to eat the strimps to keep themselves pink, it reportant for them to maintain them visibility. So foodchik will get us the strimps. And we will leave cookies and milk for Santy Claws and strimps and butterscotch candies for the flamingos.

You can still leave socks hung up by your chimney if you want or wherever you like to hang them. Foodchik usually hangs ours on the stairs and me fink that her have the flamingos put the nip in her underwear drawer so we can’t get at it.

Then food chik will wake us up by hopping out of bed (tn – hop? As if.) and then we will look in our socks – her will hide the nip in them when her come downstairs and eat our strimps. We will open our presents from the chik and then her will open the one from us, big cats won't tell me what it is yet though. Them were talking about getting a side o' tunee fitch or meat, but me have the Ramerican Repress card and me think we got her a vacuum cleanier, even though me HATE them. Then we’ll all have yogurt and maybe blueberry muffins.

Oh Boy Her Coughing

Foodchik hardly never gets coughy, her hardly ever gets sickness. Mostly her just do stupid human tricks and hurt herself. So her is been barking like a dog and then her take spoon stuff and her are dopey. Me laugh, me think me will look in her mouth for fitch, just because me can.

Cold Again

Perhaps me have mentioned that foodchik keep it cold enough in here to hang meat. Sometime her are extra clever and no shut the door when her doing outside stuff. Me could freeze something off and her would laff. Her a cow and her moo!

Sneaky Food Chik

Foodchik went out to dinner with ant grandma and grandpa (tn: I'm no longer fighting him on this, if he wants everyone to be ant so be it. Foodchik sat down wif us and me smelped her mouf, and me just had to see if there were any fitch left in there, so me put me hoof in her mouf but nope me couldn't find any. (tn: yes, I'm still completely skeeved out.)

Foodchik making me do this

What is your favorite word? Fitch, it makes my mouth smile.
What is your least favorite word? Vegetable yuck.
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Fitch
What turns you off? Cold
What is your favorite curse word? crap
What sound or noise do you love? the opening of the cat food can.
What sound or noise do you hate? the closing of the door after foodchik go to work.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Me a cat, me got a sweet life.
What profession would you not like to do? Dog
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Come on in, foodchik waiting for you and her got snaks.

Question

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? How are your teeth? I have not ever lived with a cat before. Can you tell me how to make a kitten comfortable in his new home? And can you tell me how to pick a good name for the kitten?
Thanks,
Petunia

Deer Petunia,
Hi, how you? me good fanks, and so are me teef. You are in for a treat wif having a new catlet to come to your house. Me answer your last question first. Foodchik always say no name your cat until you meet him or her. (her say this about kids too, but you kinda limited with kind of names you would give a kid) So you meet the cat and you talk nice to them. And something will come to you. If in doubt about what to name your cat something to do with fitch is always a good choice.

How to make the cat comfortable? First of all, use the heat in the house. No need to be shy about it. Kittens and cats like it warm. Then you want to have a water dish because we like that. And a food dish because we've gotta eat. And a litter box because the food and water after to go somewhere. That is the basics. When you first get a new cat, it good to keep him in a room by himself for a couple of days wif him litter box and water and food (at 2 different ends of the room) But visit him a lot, talk nice to him and pet him lots. Not a good idea to pick him up, most cats no like that too much. After a few days, then you can let them have the run of the house. Talk to your cat every day, and give them pets every day. Playing wif them is fun too. If them a kitten them gonna go for your toes.

If you have any questions, ask again. Me and foodchik are happy to help.
Have a happy day,
Sharkbutt

PS - if me had a kitten me would name it Tunee the Fitch

Question About Coldness

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? how you teef? If your foodchik doesn't believe in heat, how do you keeps warm.
thanks,
Ethel

Deer Ethel,
Hi how you? me good, and me teef is good too, fanks you for asking. Donut tell my foodchik or the big cats but me keep warm mostly by sleeping in the leg of foodchik sweatpants. Although, sometimes me sleep on top of the hot water heater too.
Good luck wif being warm,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Me didn't like the choices...

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional. You prefer things the way you've always known them. You'll admit that you're old fashioned, and you don't see anything wrong with that. Your tastes and preferences are classic. And classic never goes out of style. Those who like you crave security. People can rely on you to be true to yourself - and true to them. You're loyal, trustworthy, and comfortable in your own skin. And because of these qualities, you've definitely earned a lot of respect.

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Me Friend Z

Food chik have a flock o' nieces (6) but only one nephew Z! Z are a rinteresting guy, and him tell good stories. Him was telling me and foodchik about evil monkey minions that do kung fu. Foodchik are fascinated by minions, especially the evil kind.

Who Knew?

Food chik usually give us water to drink and me like it and the big cats like it. But since big Stripey is up to him not peeing right antics again foodchik working on it. So we are still getting lots of water and salty on our food, but we getting a new drink too, her call it bullyon but it chicken juice and it is reliciousness. Me can't believe me going to say this but it almost as good as fitch. Me never knew something could be this tastiness, it makes my teef smile!

Me Happy

Me got to sleep wif foodchik all by meself last night. Big Stripey stayed downstairs, so me had the other half of the bed all to meself. Me so happy. Her warm and snuggly.

Another Meme

Fictional character you'd most like to have dinner with? Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes seems like a rinteresting guy.

Historical figures you'd most like to have dinner with?
Felix the Cat

When did you realize you were an adult?
When me got fixed.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Food chiks baby cat.

Oh Boy, Another Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? Me wondering why fooddude drink stuff that not water. Do you know why?
Fanks,
Melving

Deer Melving,
Hi how you? Me good fanks. Me asked foodchik about this and her say that water donut taste like too much to them and sometimes them like something tastier. Also, her telled me that her like caffeine and her know a lot of foodpeople do. And a lot of foodpeople like drinks with bubbly stuff in them. And some people like to drink fings with alcohol in them. Her no do that anymore, but her got stories. Ha!

Hope this answers questions,
have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hmmm

Foodchik made some turkey chili-ness today. It smelped tasty but me no her make hot chili so me not want to taste it. Ever. Hahahaha. Hot spicy food not me cup of snack.

Nother Question

Hi Sharkbutt,
Fank you for answering me questions. Me name seem to me to mean, come eat now. But me don't know. Me have another question for you. How you know if you foodchik have a job? Fanks, M-bel

Hi M-bll,
you welcome for me answering questions. Mostly if you foodchik go out, and come back and no have groceries and is talking to herself about idiots, her could have a job. But her might also, just drive a lot. It hard to know and them get annoyed pretty easy anyway. If her have some clothes her wear out and shoes, check the shoes. Sometimes foodchiks and fooddudes work from home too. So it really safe to assume that if you don't have to kill your own food, them work so them can buy it.
Have a happy day,
Sharkbutt

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? How you teef? Do you like turkey? Do you like chicken?
How me know if me like it?
Fanks,
Your friend,
M-Bel

Deer M-Bel,
Hi, me good fanks for asking, my teef good too. Do you name mean sumping - M-bel?
Me like turkey and me like chicken too, but me love fitch. How you know if you like it? Well, first you have to tasty it, and if your mouf smile finking about eating more, than you lov it. But if you mouf, just finking, ok me eat this, me was hungry, now me not. Then you just kinda neutral about it. If you eat it and so oh no, me gonna hurl, then you either hate it or are rellergic.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Her a Work of Art

Yes, me talking about food chik. Her are something else, her will burn the sagey stuff and then the cedary stuff and yesterday her did that. It smelp like burnt mess in here, and her smelp burnt and so do me.

Me Back

Hi, how you? Me good. Me have been scarce for a little bit. Foodchik is kinda banned from the reputer for a while. Oh and perhaps me have metioned that her keep it cold in here. So me have been in the blankies trying to keep warn.

Meat

Me might have mentioned foodchik keep it cold enough to hang meat in here. Me are right. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Question

Hi Sharkbutt, how you? Do you do anything special to get ready for the winter time? Thanks your friend, Lion

Hi Lion, How you? Me good thanks. Me no do anything too much special recept hope that the foodchik keep the heat on, because sometime her donut keep the heat on. We lucky that foodchik breaks out the blankets and warm stuff. Sometimes after her go to work me will sleep in her sweatpants, them usually warm.

hope this answer your question,
have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Question

Hi Sharkbutt,
How you? How you teef? Me have two questions for you. One is do you go to the toof dentist like your foodchik? And two is what do you mean when you say foodchik is a cow and her moo?
Fanks,
Your friend,
MLINK

Hi MLINK,
How you? Me good and me teef good. How you teef? Me no go to the toof dentist, me just go to AntdoctorKelly, her an all purpose kind of doctor. When me say foodchik is a cow and her moo, me mean that her is a cud chewer with four stomacks. Me kidding, when cats call someone a cow, we pretty muchly calling them stoopick. And when we say them moo, me mean them not know what them talking about. Foodchik know that when me do it, me are irked wif her but that me also know her not stoopick and her know what her talking about mostly. Recept for when her make shit up.

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Food chik are a cow and her moo

Me are not real remused wif foodchik this week. Her were not paying attention when her turned on the shower and me were in there looking for sumping. And me got wet. Her are a shower taking cow and her moo.

Another Question

Hi Sharkbutt,
How you? I'm good, and my teef are good. Although, I lose some and the toof fairy brings me money sometimes. Thanks you for answering my questions about farts. Why do feet stink?
Thanks, your friend,
Zachno

Hi Zachno,
I'm good fanks. Me sorry you lose you teef, do you find them and put them back? Me have to ask foodchik why feet stink, because mines don't stink unless I step in poo or somping, foodchik her shoes can get pretty smelpy so me figure her will know. And her did. Her said feets have a concentration of sweatglands so the feets sweat alot and the inside of shoes and socks are dark so bacteria grows in the sweaty stuff and them smelp. Hmmm, me fink bacteria was involved in the farts too, huh? Me asked foodchik why her front feet no get shoes and her said that her doesn't use them as feets, they're called hands. (me fink them just front feets) And her said that them get washed a lot so them no usually smelp.
Have a happy day,
love,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Question

Hi Sharkbutt,
How you? I have asked a lot of people this question and I really am wondering what makes farts stink. Do you know?
Thanks your friend,
Zackno

Hi Zackno,
How you? me good, fanks. How you teef?
You make a rinteresting question, about why farts stink. So me asked foodchik, and her said that there are bacteria in your guts that help you digest your food and the bacterias give off gas, hmm, me have to ask foodchik, if it really me farts or bacteria farts. Her say also that we swallowp some of the air in our farts, this bacteria business and the chemically reactions wif digestive enzymes and what we eat (me think her made that part up) So anyway, you've got this food digesting in your big old tubey guts that reventually turns into poop. And you've got this air, gas stuff, bacteria farts and chemically reactions that's got to pass through the poop on it's way out. So there you have it. That why. Even though foodchik mom thinks it's because some people eat too many pork rinds.

have a happpy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

Why Blog?

Me friend Jaxter at jaxters-dogs.blogspot.com asked the question why do we blog? And me asked foodchik, why we blog? And her said Sharkbutt you don't have to have the same reasons as me. But why not blog? Foodchik like that, her will answer a question wif a question or if you ask her a yes-no-er question, her will usually say it depends. Unless it's like "foodchik you like bacon?" yes! Or "foodchik you like liver?" oh hell no, just mine.

So me rescussed this wif foodchik and one fing her said stucked wif me, I might not want to store all my silliness in my head, but I don't think I just want to lose it either. So that why, to make more room in my head for silliness.

Four Things That Remuse Me

1 - Answering questions about cats, life and my foodchik.
2 - Grooming the big cats and my foodchik.
3 - Eat.
4 - Designing Women when we can find that.

Question for You!

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? Where do you like to sleep? How do you know you like to sleep there?
Thanks, your friend,
MtheP

Hi there, MtheP,
Me good, fanks, how you? How your teef?
Me like to sleep by the foodchik when me can. Or if her at work me like to sleep on her bed. And in the afternoon by the back window. How me know me like to sleep there? If me asleep me like it.
Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

IT'S A MIRACLE

Food chik shut the windows and turned on the heat, me almost refraid. It is most runusual. And I'm not sure what it means.

Yellow Crayon

Me don't mean to be impolite. But calculating to the extreme? That funny, me can't even count, how me going to calculate?

Me A Crayon??

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

What Are a Meme Again?

Ok Foodchik tagged me for this. Her at ECrandori if you give a rats butt.
10 random things about me.

1. Me are 3.
2. Me have 4 brothers and before me name was Sharkbutt, it were Groucho.
3. Food chik say me so not a Groucho even though me are comical like the real one.
4. Me favorite thing is blueberry muffins.
5. Me really good at sleeping and catching my tail.
6. Me love fitch.
7. Me want food chik to give us a fitch in a bowl for the hollerdays.
8. Me no like riding in the car.
9. Me no like falling in the toilet.
10. Me like foodchik.

Me tagging Jaxter.

Me had a thought, me would rather write 10 random things about foodchik, her much more eccentric than me.

1. Her are old.
2. Her wear a sarong around the house most of the time and when it cold her wear it with a hoody.
3. Her can fall asleep standing up.
4. Her can carry a lot of food and litter box stuff.
5. Her read more than are normal.
6. Her smelp like a girl.
7. Her eat weeds a lot.
8. Her only wear shoes on her backfeet. Me notice that about a lot of you.
9. Her howl. A lot.
10. Her only open the door for people her rexpecting and the folks from Brown.

Cold

It cold here today and me love foodchik but her a scatter brain. It's frosty out on the lawn, and HER STILL HAVE WINDOWS OPEN! Me sorry to yell, but it cold in here. Me noticed Puppy had problems chewing her food cuz it frozen. Ok, me rezaggerate, but only a little. It cold in here.

Sharing

Me have to share the foodchik with the big cats, and her lap with the laptop. Her ride the laptop alot, mostly to help me with my spelling for this blog business. Me no fink her a big help but me also no fink her know what her talking about wif spelling and Inklish. But me digress. Right now me sharing the foodchik lap with the lap top in the downstairs. This runusual, usually when downstairs food chik belong to Puppy or big Stripey, but Puppy sleeping over there. And big Stripey are behind us, snorping. Me being very quiet so them not notice what happening here on foodchik lap. Me fink it will get ugly.

Baths

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? I'm good thanks. How your teef? I forgot to ask you this question yesterday, how do you give yourself a bath? I have to write a report for school.
Thanks, your friend,
MtheP

Deer MtheP,
Hi, me good thanks. Me glad you good. My teef great. How you teef?
When me give meself a bath, me usually start with my back foot (food chik calls it my drivers side food, me think it my left) anyway, me lick me toes and in between them and sometimes me give me claws a bite if sumping feels loose. Then me lick me hamstrings and thighs (foodchik calling them that, me call them hammystrings and the front of me leg) then me lick anything else me can reach. And if you writing for school you don't want to give much more info than that, otherwise them will call your mom and her will give you what for. So after me lick everything me can reach, me lick me front paw (foodchik would call this my front passenger side hoof - me think it me right) and me will wash me face and ears. Then me done.
Hope this is good for you schoolwork,
have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

Question

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi how you? How you teef? Do you have a lot of pictures of your foodchik on the reputer?
Thanks,
your friend.
MtheP

Deer MtheP,
Hi, how you? me good, fanks. me teef good too fanks. them feel very sharp. how your teef? No, we no have many pictures of foodchik on this reputer or any reputer. Her usually on the business end of the the camera. And her people are Irish and them can be a little weird about getting their picture taken. Them fink it can steal their soul. Cats not so much with pictures because we get more a sense of you from you smelp. See if you miss your cats when you away, you might talk to them picture because to you it most like her, but when me miss the foodchik when her not around, me talk to her pillow because it smelp like her and that make it most like her to us (well except her much louder, muchliest louder). Hope that answer you question, have a happy day, love your friend, sharkbutt.

Food Chain

Me heard about the food chain watching Sponge Bob, and at first me think, it have something to do with crabby patties. So me asked foochik and her resplained to me about the food chain, and that big cats are pretty close to the top of it. That happy to know. But me resturbed because if big cats are close to the top of it, where are me on the foodchain. And where are the foodchik on the foodchain? So me ast her, and her said well mostly people are considered to be at the top of the food chain. Me said, 'why's that?' Her said, "because we use weapons and tools". and me said, 'why cats no use weapons and tools?' and her said, ' you no have thumbs sharkbutt, that why'. hmmm, me said.

Technology?

Me don't know a lot about technology but me know what me like. Foodchik got this thing called a grounding pad for the bottom of our bed, it do something that provides electrons so them things that are free radicalling around looking for lose electrons so them electrons not steal some that make your face crinkly or hairs grey. At least that what me read in food chik litrature. Me love it!

Halloween?

Me no like it when the doorbell rings. If foodchik here and her expecting it, it usually Chinese food and her will tell us, cats hide, here comes a rancher. Me not sure what it means, but foodchik do mutter unsavory stuff about Chinese food and cats and stuff. Me fink that it just a wives tail or something. So before foodchik got back from the torturer, the doorbell were ringing alot but her not here so me went up to the window to see who at the door and it not the UPS dude, or the Fed Ex dude, but very small people. IF them were cats you'd call them kittens, but them people so would you call them pittens? Anyway, them were ringing the doorbell.

Where Did Baseball Go?

Whenever there a baseball game on, me would watch it wif foodchik. Her resplained me what was going on, and me understand it pretty good and me think it way funny when her curse at the tv. Ha! Her a pretty foul mouthed old relic.

Me Never Would Have Guessed

Sometimes me watch tv with the foodchik and me learn stuff. Like we was watching something her call a damn commercial and them talking about constipation like it's something awful, and them talking about fiber like it's ice cream cake. So me asked the foodchik, me said foodchik, me have a question. Her said, yes, sharkbutt what is your question and how is your teeth? Me said thanks foodchik my teef are fine, but me confused, what are constipation? and what are fiber and what do them do? her said, sharkbutt, you know sometimes when you have to poo and it hard to do. Me said yes, foodchik. Her said, yes, sharkbutt that constipation. Me said, oh wow foodchik me never knew them had a name for it. How about fiber? Her said Sharkbutt fiber is kinda twiggy stuff that makes you poo easier. You know like the grassy stuff we grow for you. me said, franks foodchik me get it. That make a lot of sense.

More on How Them Different From Cats

When me want to eat or drink, me go to food dish and eat or water dish to drink. When me need more me hop on foodchik lap and tell her. This mean me sniff her mouf. When foodchik want to eat, her go to grocery store and get food or her go out where someone else cook it for her. Her no keep it in a dish for when her want it.

When we want to see foodchik hop around a lot or yelp, we put our toys in the toilet. HER HATE THAT, especially when the toilet respode. That was ugly. But veryy funny. Her was way not remused by the resploding toilet.

The other thing her hate is if her kinda napping and me just brush her face or arm wif my whiskers and her not know it me, her think it a pider and her yell and jump up. Me fink that funny.

Her a cow and her moo. But her a good chik and her make me laff. A lot.

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? How your teef? How do you know if your foodchik or fooddude are crazy? How do you know if you make them that way?

Fanks, your friend,
Earl

Deer Earl,
Hi, how you? Me good, my teef good. How your teef? Me asked foodchik about your second question because it concerned me that maybe me could make foodchik crazy. Her said Sharkbutt, no, you cannot make me crazy. Either a foodchik or fooddude is crazy or them not. You not going to make them crazy nuts.

How you know them crazy, that another story. It kinda hard to tell, sometimes if them talk to themselves, it could be because them nuts. Sometimes it could be because them trying to chant wifout waking that cat up. That would be a very considerate foodchik/dude not a nuts one. If them sound real animated or yell at themself yes, maybe them distrubbed. Good luck with your foodchik/dude. Mostly as long as they not a danger to you, to them or to other people no worry too much. Just let them pet you that make them feel better.

Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

NPR

Hi How you and how you teef? Ha me funny.

So foodchik telled me her listen to NPR in the truck when her drive and sometimes in the houst. But we listened to it on the reputer just now. Sassafras mama told her about them having a story about the Dalai Lama on there. It was good. Me hope they talk to him soon, him a funny guy.

Etiquette

Some friends of foodchiks asked me how cats are different then people in how them talk and hang out and stuff. It pretty much how we deal wif everything else. For rexample, me like to sleep a lot and if me can sleep on foodchik and that even better. But Stripey has foodchik when her downstairs and Puppy no want her. When foodchik upstairs then her mines.

Another thing, foodchik and her friends say hi, how you? Cats say, hi, how you? and how you teef? See when you a cat having teef is like having a mouthful of friends, so you ask after the friends too. Just because it nice to do. And when me say Hi foodchik, how you? her will say Sharkbutt me radiantly festive, how you? and me say Me good, foodchik, how you teef? And her will say, my teef are very sharp, how are your teef? And then me will say very sharp too fanks. and then we talk about stuff, and me usually lick her head. Her a funny foodchik.

So that's today's information on cats and how we are.

Who Knew?

Me was sitting on foodchik head last night and asked her a question. You might need some deep background here. In the morning foodchik go in the rainroom and get her parts clean and me never see her lick herself anywhere. So me asked her foodchik, you know how we lick ourselves to clean up why you no do that? Her said, well, sharkbutt you have fur that you have to clean up and me don't have so much and me can't reach any of it so me no lick it. Then me said, foodchik why you no can lick your fur? Her said sharkbutt please donut put this in your blog but you can lick your furry spots recept your head because your hamstringies in your legs are flexible and in proportion to what you've looking to lick. Me said, Oh so you no can lick your business because of your hamstringies. Yes, sharkbutt her said. Have you tried? me said. Her said maybe. Me laugh, if her did her probably fall on her head.

Things I didn't know

Me was talking to foodchik last night about fings. (the things mentioned in the title) and me wanted to no why her cook stuff. Me just been noticing that her very much eat cooked food and in the wild me no that cats eat their meet on the hoof and raw. Me saw it on animal planet. So me said chick why you cook your food. Her said sharkbutt me no cook everything, and sometimes it's already cooked when I buy it but meet and stuff I cook mostly to either kill germies, or make it easier to chew because my teef not as sharp as yours for eating raw stuff. Her always resplain stuff so me understand, me thoughted her cooked stuff becuase if her don't it make her fart. (fc: no comment)

From Me Friend Jaxter

JAXTER said...
Hi Sharkbutt -Izzy and Molly don't like it when I come home smelling like the enemy, I mean any other dog, either - so maybe you three should conference about the injustice of such ill mannered behaviors!
October 18, 2007 1:26:00 PM PDT

Hi Jaxter, you right! Me talked to the big cats and them said Sharkbutt, we don't like it when her come home smelping like other cats or dogs either but we talk to food chik and her make us feel better. Also, we no like it when her brought you home either and we got over it after talking to food chik.

So me talk to foodchik, me said foodchik, it bother me a lot when you come home smelping like other cats and dogs. her said, sharkbutt, I'm sorry it bothers you. Really I am, but here's the thing. You know when you go to ant doctor kelly and her pet you and it make you feel better, and when ant am, ant kate, ant joan or ant granma and ant granpa come to visit and give you food and stuff and pets make you feel better? And me said, yes, foodchik me know. And her said well, when I massage people to make them feel better they think oh, my cat or dog would like this and they would be happy if I pet them so I do. It doesn't mean I don't love you. And it doesn't mean you are not my favorite cats ever.

So now me feel better, even though the big cats no liked it when her bringed me home. Ha!

Have a happy day,
your friend sharkbutt

Boy, me so not remused

Me know that foodchik is a massage therapu sometimes and her give a good massage. And me know that people get massages from her sometimes and me can smell them on her. Me no mind the peoples too much but me are really mad cuz her was petting some other catlet. Me can smelp that it's very young and her was petting it. Me her baby cat, damn it. (note from foodchik: my client has a 5 week old kitten, and she needed some reiki so I gave it to her, it's what I do. No affection there - ok, yeah right, it was an adorable kitten - teeny tiny)

So me mad. Me going to have to talk to food chik about this. (yes him will)

Nip

Deer Sharkbutt,

Hi How you? How you get your foodchik to give you nip?



thanks your friend,

Nipper



Deer Nipper,

Me good franks. How you?

Usually to get nip me just hop up on her chair lick her head and say food chik, her will say yes, sharkbutt. me say, can me have some nip? her will yes, of course, sharkbutt me will sprinkle some nip for you and the big cats. and her do. So me say just ask. me also have a nip dance. when me do it her know it time to give us some nip.



have a happy day,

your friend,

Sharkbutt

Question for Me

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? My foodchiks have a new cat let named Houdini, do me have to worry about him eating me rawhide bone?

Thanks,
Sassy

Deer Sassy,
Me good franks for asking. Hi, how you? Me fink you no have to worry about Houdini the cat let and the rawhide bone. Cats not much for rawhide and if it bigger than Houdini head him not going to fink to put it in him mouth.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Big stripey is a cow and he moos

Me are so not remused. Him decided it would be a good idea to gnaw on my foot. And instead of yelling, 'cat ganaw your own foot' like her usually do, her took a picture. Her a cow too. And her moo!

What are a Meme?

Ok, foodchik - ecrandori.blogspot.com said me need to do this so here it is.

1) What I was doing ten years ago: Me are 3.

2.) Five years ago: Me Still 3.

3) One year ago: Me live with foodchik and the old cats. Me eat, me sleep, me play, me got it good.

.4.) Yesterday: Foodchik camed home from r'Arizona.

.5.) 5 snacks I enjoy: Fitch, blueberry muffins, yogurt, ice cream and nip.

6.) 5 Things I would do if I suddenly had $100 million: pay mortgages for all the food chiks. buy food chik a new truck, buy ant doctor kelly a place for her to take care of cats.

7.) 5 locations I would like to run away to: Me look stupid to you or something? Why would I go?

5 bad habits I have: gas

5 things I like doing: eat, sleep, play, breathe, have nip.

10.) 5 TV shows I like: golf

11.) 5 things I hate doing: Me a cat, me don't do nuffing me hate.

12.) 5 Biggest joys of the moment: Food chik back, food chik back, food chik back,,,, yay!!! OH AND THIS IS WHERE HER WERE AT.

It's Back!!!

YES, me are talking about the foodchik and her are referred to as it until, me either forget her left us or her find us some nip. From what me can tell by smelps and so forth it were in r'Arizona, and her walked around alot. Me can tell from its feets.

So thanks for all of the foodchiks who camed to visit us and give us foods and pets. Them were very nice to do that. Food chik are a cow and her moo. But her back now and that good.

We Are Not Remused

Foodchik has the suitcase out, so we no her skipping out on us. Her teld us that her will miss us and our foodchiks will visick everyday and give us food and pets. But me are not remused, them very nice but them no speak too much cat and no really sit still long enuf to give them head a lick and have a chat. Foodchik a cow and her moo.

Things

Foodchik no a lot of things, me were surprised. Me asked her why me feel funny when the moon is full. Her say because the moon light make my teef feel sharper. That make sense. Her always have good answers for me. Me ast her where snow come from and her no. Me ast her to resplain why them have innings in baseball but not in soccer or football. And her no. And when her don't no, her say Sharkbutt, let's look it up and find out. And we do.

Cousin

My cousin sent me an email, her have to write something about the food chik so her ast me questions.

What does your food chick like? (sic - me hope her mom check her homework, that no look right to me) Her like fitch, and money and to wear clothes and shoes and her like to eat, and sleep.

What does your food chick dislike? (sic - this kids grammar hurts me teef) Foodchik no like people who knock on the door on saturdays wif pamphlets and mess, her really skived out by eggs and bird poo.

What is your food chicks greatest attribute (sic) me don't know what her really talking about here, probably something odd. the chik a little odd.

Why your foodchik best? (not sic, me sick of this grammar) because her just are, and her say good morning cats every morning and make sure everybody gets pets and snacks. And because her have a nice house for us wif good food even though it rescription because big stripey no no how to pee. and when me tell her foodchik, you a cow and you moo, her no me kidding and her say moo sharkbutt moo.

HMMMM

Me had a chat with foodchik last night. Sometimes me sit on her head and lick it and talk to her, respecially when me want to have her attention. Her said, Sharkbutt you seem disgruntlement, what the matter? Me said foodchik, you had tunee fitch, why you no share. Her say, Sharkbutt I'm sorry, I know you like tuna fish but that kind is not good for you, especially once there's mayo and celery in it. Them not good for you either. But remind me and I'll give you a tuna treat that's good for cats, in the morning. And me no have to reminded her, her remembered and gived them to us this morning before her went wherever her go in the morning. That work place, but me hear her talk to people and me know her call it the 7 letter word for hell. Me think that mean her not always enjoy it mutch.

What the deal with heaven and hell anyway? Me asked foodchik that last night too. her said Sharkbutt we Buddhists so we not so much with the heaven and hell thing, we got the hungry ghost thing and such, so that why you no want to get too attached to the tunee fitch. You know? Her have a point but me would never admit that to her. Her still a cow and her still moo.

Me Irate

Foodchik made tunee fitch salad and her no give us any tunee fitch, her gived Stripey some tunee fitch juice. But then dumped the rest of it down the sink. Her a cow and her moo, and qak like a duck.

(fc note: chunk white tuna is not good for cats which is why I didn't share it. )

As Requested

Deer Sharkbutt,
How are you? Can you tell us stuff about your foodchik and the big cats. We liked the four things about you so much that we’d really like to no four things about them too. It can be any four things.

Thanks,
Tank and Punking

Deer Tank and Punking,
Hi, how you? Me good. This is a very good question.

4 things about big Stripey
Him write stories in urine.
Him was born on Christmas but him didn’t no about Santy Claws and the flamingos until food chik tell him the story.
When him stratch himself too much him have to wear a shirt to proteck him and it has to get ducttaped onto him wif flamingo pink ducttape.
Him a cow and him moo.

4 things about Puppy
Her are old.
Her have 4 kittens and one of them, Niles is a 20 lb giant cat.
Her can read tea leaves.
When foodchik snorps her will pull up food chik eyelid and pull down her lip to make it stop.

4 things about Foodchik
Her wear shoes.
Her not really a taxidermist, but our voicemail message say her is.
Her smelp like a girl.
Her good at falling out of a kayak.

Mewzic?

Deer Sharkbutt,
Does your foodchik listen to music? Do you like it? My fooddude listen mostly to talk radio, wif a lot of ranting and raving. Him rant and rave a lot too, you think this cuz we no listen to music?
Thanks,
your friend Frank

Deer Frank,
Hi, how you? Me good. Yes, we listen to all kind of mewsic. Just no bluegrass - me fink that would just sound like grass and foodchik no can hear that and not too much opera cuz it make me and the big cats hide. when food chik doing massage we get a lot of plinky stuff wif water in the background, that make us all want to pee. Me do like it mostly. Me glad foodchik not too much wif death metal and headbangy stuff. Her like a little more chanting than me do. But we both like Kanye West and Timbaland so that good. The big cats like the plinky stuff, them laugh at me when me have to run and pee. Me do fink that you food dude might rant and rave cuz him listen to too much ranting and raving, yes. Do him drive much, foodchik say that will make for some raving too. sometimes.
Have a happy day,
love your friend,
sharkbutt

Question About Foodchiks

Dear Sharkbutt,
How can I help my foodchik pay more attention to what her cook and eat? I'm not so much concerned with her diet which is mainly very healthy as much as I'm concerned that her eat foods that cannot taste good together. For example, she made oatmeal for breakfast this morning, in my research I understand that that is good for people, and she added almonds to it, again good for people. But the almonds were jalapeno smoked, this does not seem like it would be good in oatmeal. Also, sometimes she takes the big lump cats vitamins by mistake, these are liver flavored and would seem to be distasteful to people. How can I help her get it together?
Thanks,
PD

Deer PD,
Hi, how you? Me good. It hard to help you foodchik unless you watch her like a hawk, and even then they pretty quick at doing something stupid. Sometime if you have a talk wif her that good. Me usually will sit on my foodchik head and say foodchik, why you eating jalapeno nuts in your oatmeal, is there something you want to talk about? Her will usually just say Sharkbutt, me just rinattentive sometime me will get it together. But that my best answer, talk to your foodchik about how her make you worry. And about the big lump cats vitamins, if her make that mistake more than once she probably kind of simple.
Have a happy day,
love,
your friend,
sharkbutt

4 Things

Me was reading foodchik email, her read mine so me read hers. It fair and I never blab about hers, but her do blab about mine.

1) Four jobs that me have had:
Um, me a cat. Hello. There is nothing else. and what 4 mean anyway?
2) Four movies that me could watch over and over
Cats
Finding Nemo
Field of Dreams
What the Bleep do Me know?

3) Four places that me have lived
Foodchik house
Me a cat, what you fink me some kind of carny nomad?

4) Four shows me love(d) to watch
It baseball season, what you think we watch?
And Pinky and the Brain

5) Four places me have been on vacation
Me life is vacation. Don't think me don't know it. Me no like travelling much so it upstairs or downstairs pretty much, unless foodchik have a simple moment and leave a door ajar.

6) Four web sites me visit daily
jaxters-dogs.blogspot.com
petsmart.com
petco.com
catfood.com

7) Four foods me like
fitch
chicken
blueberry muffin
massage lotion

8)Four beverages me like
water
water
fitch gravy
grape juice

Question About Garlic

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi how you? Me have a question for you. Are the fumes from garlic bad for cats?
Thanks, your friend,
Rocko

Deer Rocko,
Hi, how you? Me good. Eating garlic is bad for cats, it can give them anemia and that's when their blood no work too good. So cats can be poisoned by onions, garlic and shallots so no eat them. No let your cat friends eat them. Them smelps won't hurt you too bad though.

Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

Gruntled

Hi, me no longer disgruntled so me think me gruntled. Food chik say Inklitch (FC note: this would be how English is pronounced in Cat, in Cat it would seem as many words as possible are formed and spelled to rhyme with fitch which would be fish in English, get all that?)are not always logical like that. But then neither is foodchik so we go with that. Me asked food chik why we have to get shots everytime we go see ant doctor kelly. Her said "Sharkbutt, I want you to be healthy and I know (me think her mean me instead of I) that you no like to go in the car so we no visit ant doctor kelly just to say hi. So we only go when you sick or when you need shots and to get your teeth looked at and your heart listened to and your ears cleaned up." This make sense to me.

Me Are Disgruntled

Food chik took me and Puppy to the cat vet today. The cat vet is AntDoctorKelly, me got food chik from her. Me like her.

We had to go in the crates and in the car. And we got shots in our butts, me got one. Puppy got two shots. We got weighed too. Me and Puppy weight the sameness, 11.2 lbs.

Guest Post from Stripe!

Foodchik is typing this for me, she and I are in cahoots. The small cats - Puppy the Surly and Sharkbutt the Simp are off to the vet. Buwahahahahaha! I'm helping her round them up. First there will be a very small quantity of tuna provided for our nibbling pleasure. Then she will snatch them up and crate them. At least that's the plan, wish her luck.

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
How do you know if you have a good foodchik or one who is an evil minion?
Thanks,
Tank

Deer Tank,
Hi, how you? Me good. Me asked the big cats about the evil minion part, cuz me don't no what that is. And me asked them about the good foodchik too. Even though me know the answer to that one. A good foodchik (or fooddude) is nice to you, gives you water and food all the time, take you to the cat vet even though you no want to go, and make sure you ok. Puppy said a good foodchik is quick about the food and quick about fishing mess out of the cat box. Stripey said a good foodchik is everything me and Puppy said and them give you pets and tell you stories.

Me asked foodchik what is a evil minion, her said that a evil minion is just like a regular minion but evil. So them me said what is a minion, her said a minion is an assistant, me said foodchik give me a rexample please. Her said, ok, if you were a minion, you'd have a job say getting rid of mice or if some other strange cats were trying to break in here and make me be their foodchik, you would make friends with them on the down low to find out what they plotting and then tell me so we can vanquish their evil plan. Me say ok, and me tell the big cats. Them say, foodchik right. and really as long as foodchik do all the stuff we say good foodchik do, do we care if her a evil minion? no, we don't. but if you trying to figure out if your foodchik an evil minion. Then, ask youself 2 questions. Are her shifty and going about someone else's business? And are her evil?

Hope that helps,
have a happy day,
love, your friend,
Sharkbutt

Note from Sharkbutt's food chick: Right now I'm occupied as queen of Jupiter so no, I'm not a minion, I have minions. Just so we're clear.

Fitch!!!

Dear Sharkbutt,
My food dude takes fish oil in capsules. He says it good for his heart. I think it makes him have irresistable breath. Do you know anything about fish oil?
Thanks, Your friend, Midnight.

Deer Midnight,
Hi, how you? Me know a few things about fitch oil, and me asked food chik. Food chik takes fish oil too. Her used to take the good kind, where it made her have nice breath. But then one morning her waked up and me and Puppy were looking in her mouf for her fitch and her said cats, get out of my mouf. (Puppy pulls her lip down to look in her mouf) So now her fitch oil smelps like oranges and me hates that. So fitch oil has essential fatty acids in it and it good for food chik and food dudes hear, it good for them skin, it good for them joints and them blood vessels. Oh and them brains so if you food dude forgets to give you food, it good for him to have fitch oil for him brains. That all me know, hope it helps.

Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
Hi, How you? Me have a question, when me read the paper sometime them have a thing where foodchiks and fooddudes can teach them cats how to use the toilet. Me notice them have a DVD video thing in that. Do you learn stuff from DVD's? Me don't, usually me learn things by smelp. What you think of this learning to use the toilet business?
Thanks, your friend,
EthelMertz

Deer EthelMertz,
Hi, how you? Me good, franks. I asked my foodchik about this, her say the video is for the food chik or fooddude, but we both fink if the foodchik needs a video about how to use the toilet the cat is probably the smartest being in the house. The way it work is that foodchik would set up a tray wif cat litter in it over the toilet seat. Then when the cat use it, the chik scoops it and after a while the tray goes away and the cat just goes in the bowl. Then food chik will flush.

Hope this help you,
Have a happy day,
love, your friend,
Sharkbutt

Oh boy, advice

Deer Sharkbutt,
hi, how you? Me have a question for you, my foodchik not sleeping good lately. Me not sure why. How can me help her sleep more betterester?
Thanks,
Ethelbert

Deer Ethelbert,
Hi, how you? Me good. Sometime me foodchik not sleep good either. Sometimes her sleep so good her snorp, but that another story. When my food chik not sleeping good, we (me and big cats) sit on her when her meditate so her meditate for longer. Her usually sleep better after that. Sometime her put some lavender stuff in the pillow, them call that aromatherapy. Which is like pet therapy wif smelps. Me will also lick her head and tell her a story. That usually works pretty good. But her have to be pretty tired already to not giggle from the licking. Hope these helps.

Have a happy day,
love, your friend,
sharkbutt

Deer Sharkbutt

Hi, how you? me good. My food chik got a new dog. Its name is Punkin. Last week it was a little dog, now it's bigger than the house. Me no want to have to hurt it. But it got too busy with me and me have to scratch it nose. Now it afraid of me, and me want to play but it have to be gentle. Me weigh 10 lbs, it weigh 35. What can me do?
Thanks,
your friend, Hobbzik

Hi Hobbzik,
how you? your food chik still crazy? if her buying 2 ton dogs like Punkin, her must be. Me no know too much about dogs, but foodchik always say never mess with anyone bigger than you. What me do with foodchik when her get too obstreperous is lick her head until her calm down. Try that.

have a happy day,
love, your friend,
Sharkbutt

Yogurt

Foodchik had yogurt yesterday. Me like the berry kinds, and so does her. But the other day her had a bright idea to make some with jalapeno peppers to put on chicken. Me thought it would be tasty, me were mistaken. It were risgusting. Me hate them.

Happy Birthday to Me

The big cats and the food chick say today is my birthday. Them say me are 3. Me don't feel that much different than 2 and that ok. For the big cats birthdays her will usually make fitch, but me no much like how her make fitch so her got us blueberry muffins and blueberry yogurt. It were tasty. And her singed, that were odd.

Got Hot Again

When it got coolish last week food chick opened the windows and me love that. It smelped good and we could see and smell the snacks cavorting out on the lawns. Me and the big cats wanted to snack on cavorting bunnies and birds and such. But then their were loose cats coming up by our door and trying to be cute by our food chick. We were mad. No one takes our chick.

Grooming

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? Me good! Sometimes me just think me want to lick my food chicks head. Why I want to do this? Will her mind?
Thanks, Your rock,
Muttley

Dear Muttley,
Hi how you? Me good. It summer time so you might want to lick your food chick head because it sweaty and salty. You might want to because you like her. My food chick no mind and sometimes me do it so her can fall asleep.

Goodluck,
have a happy day,
love, your friend,
Sharkbutt

Just In case

You have a food chick and her do something dumb like drop her cell phone in the toilet or the water dish. THis is what her need to do, open it and take battery out. Don't press any buttons and put a big bowl of rice in a dish and bury the phone and battery in the rice. Leave it for a day and try your phone, it might work.

Me Back

Hi,
Me were not allowed to use the computer for a little while, food chick are a cow and her moo. But me got some letters in the meantime.

Dear Sharkbutt,
Hi, how you? Me good. Me have a question for you. You ever eat papaya or mangles? You like them? How about oranges, lemonys and limes?

Thanks,
your friend,
Punkin

Dear Punkin,
Hi, how you? Me good! Me ate a mangle chunk, once. Me no like it. No papaya. And me HATE oranges, lemonys and limeses. Yuk. Food chik put it on stuff her no want us to go near. It works.

Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt

Outside to Play

Food chik opened the backdoor to let some breeze through after her comed back from the store. And her must have no closed the screen so me and big stripey went out to play. It took her a while to figure it out. Her were in the garage, her put the garbage out. Her do the dishes and then her was going to go to bed when her figured out we were playing outside. Her said CATS real loud. Her voice is loudness. Me runned right back but big Stripey stayed out for a little while longer. Food chik are happy we back but her not remused we rescaped, her call it.

Tuneee Fitch

Food chik made us tunee fitch on the fitch cooker thing tonight. It was relicious because her no put nothing on it, no peppers, no salt, no yucky gralic and no yucky lemon. Lemon the worstness. It makes my mouf smile just writing about it.

Happy Summer

HI, how you? Me good. Me not allowed to play wif food chik reputer because someone frowed up on it. Made her use lots of bad words. But it ok, me just have more time to fink of fings to write about. Food chik bringed us nip presents today, her the best. Even though her a cow, and her moo.

Fitch;

Last year we buyed foodchik a fitch cooker thing. (note from fc: this would be a grill) It a nice fitch cooker thing but when her cook fitch on it we no like the fitch when her cook it on there. It weird. We no really like it when her cook the fitch, it better when her just get it out of the can. Last night me watched baseballs with the chik. Me fink her like it cuz her can fall resleep and read. Her fink me like it, me don't know why. Me just like when her is still and me can hang out wif her.

Food chik are on the warpath

Wow, her are mad. Me tell you why. We have mouse toys. Them look like mouses and are very tasty when wet so we put them in the water dish. And we used to put them in the toilet but food chik started closing the hats on the toilet. So me and stripey were playing in the baffume and food chik come in and lift the hat lid and we got the mouses in the toilet. But her no know this and her do what her went in to do. Then her flush and water everywhere. me could have drowndeded. Her was cursing and saying really robscene stuff. Then out come the mouses and then her chase us. Her were red. and mean.

BIG SNAK

Remember me story from Christmas about Santy Claws and the Flamingos. Here one. Food chik went to the zoo today. Her smelpeded kind of zooey.

Dear Sharkbutt

Dear Sharkbutt,
How are you? I wonder if you could tell us how you got your name?
Thanks,
Your Friend,
PD

Deer PD,
Hi, how you? me good, franks for asking. How me got me name? Look at the picture, see how me tail has just a little white at the tip. Well, foodchik think that it somehow make it look like the butt on a shark. Her odd.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Sick Foodchik

Food chik was frowing up yesterday. Me no like it when her do. It scary and loud. Her no like it much either.

Deer Sharkbutt

My foodchik always put the toilet lid down so me no can drink out of there. Why them do that? Thanks, your friend Frank

Deer Frank,
Hi, How you?
Me good. Me asked the big cats about this and them said the problems are 2 fings really. One is that it too germy for you to drink water out of and two is if you fall in you can get hurt or drownded. that would be way bad.
have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt

Madness

Me not speaking to the foodchik. Her let us run out of food. (no her didn't they just had more canned food than usual) Me like the spring though and me will talk to her soon. Her not a bad food chik her just kinda a spaz sometimes. And a nut.

More Juice

Foodchik was playing with vegebles again, me fink her playing this vegetarian business again but then her made meat for dinner. Ha! Her no know what her is meatatarian or vegetarian.

Why It Called Spring

Some fool was on TV last night, (food chik no let us watch mutch of it, but we all like baseball) and asking why them call it spring now. And the other fool answered and him answer stupid. It Spring because all the snacks (t.n. snacks would be birds, squirrels, bunnies and other unwitting small animals that appeal to the carnivore lurking within each cat) anyway, all the snacks are springing around, them move fastest in the Spring. That why it called Spring.

We Had a Sitdown

Me had a sitdown with the foodchik, this is how this go, her will be laying down usually finking about sleeping and then me will sit on her head and give her some licks so her not notice that her cannot get up wif me on her head. And her giggle when me lick her head. So then me say foodchik, (that what me call her) me gotta talk. her say, sharkbutt you look distrubbed, what is the matter? Me said that me worried that her will make us vegetarians when we is meatatarian. Her said Sharkbutt, no worry me know you have to be a meatatarian, vegables not that good for you and me no like it when you fart so no worry. Me not even a vegetarian because me love a cheese burger, a chicken burger and a steak meet and me no can stand the farts. So we have that settled and me happy now.

Water

Big Puppy were telling about where fitch live, me didn't know them lived in water. Me like water but me love fitch and me no want to drink them house. We drink a lot of water, mostly because food chik no give us anything else like single malt scotch or cream o' meat soup.

Me Are Back

Me were on sabbatical in protest. Foodchik buyed a juicer, her is finking about being a vegetarian (again). If her want to do this and her no kill us wif the gas, me have no problem wif this, but these are very, very big if's. Especially that farting business. But me will no be a vegetarian, me are a meatatarian, fank you very much.

Cows are vegetarian, not cats. Food chik moo.

Playing

Me have a favorite pink mouse and food chik find it for me today. Me so happy, her happy that me playing.

Snorping

Foodchik had a cold so her was snorping last night. Big Stripey tried to push her onto her side. Me laff.

Wow! It been a long time since me write

anything in here. But me been busy keeping warmness, foodchik usually keep it cold enough to hang meat in here but then the relectric break and it just get colder and colder and colder. Then relectric go back on and then it less colder. Then it break again and it get colder. So now it working and me can come out from under the blankets and write stuff.

So how you? Me good. Foodchik took Stripey to antdoctorkelly to get him pH in him p checked. Him had to stay for a while and him no like that much so him p was ok and him comed home and we got new food.

Coldness

Food chik keep it cold enough here to hang meat. If me weren't curled up on her large warm self, me would freeze sumping off. If me were to lick her head, it would freeze.

Things about food chiks

Her wrote thing about cats on her blog so me writing about her now.

1. Food chik farts.
2. Being waked up so her can pee.
3. Being waked up so her can move.
4. Getting chased away from her cereal.
5. Food chik massages.
6. Food chik laff.
7. Food chik opposable thumbs to feed us wif.

Question

Deer Sharkbutt,
When I want a taste of my food dude coffee, him have a fit. Can you drink out of your foodchik cup wif out her having a cow? Do you like coffee?
Thanks,
your friend,
Sasquatch

Dear Sasquatch,
Hi, how you? Me good. Me no like coffee, me hear it might stunt your grwoth. But me will drink out of her water, or her yogurt. Her have a attack whem me try to drink her water. Her a cow and her moo.

Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Rexercise!!!

Food chik rexercises wif me, we do crunchies, they make me laugh. Food chik make noises like growlies. Them funny. Me like this even better than sleeping on food chik head.

Fun!

Foodchik has been helping us practice cat things a lot lately. Her have some feathers on a string on a stick that her fly around for us so we can practice chasing and pouncing and leaping and doing cat stuff. (tn - besides laying around and eating). Me fink foodchik trying to learn how to pounce and stuff.

Even Puppy the Orange is playing, but her growl and stuff if you pounce when it her turn and then her swat me upside me head. Her gave Stripe one upside him head and then growled right in him face. Him almost twice her size but her no back down. So him scared. Me laff.

Peoples

Over the weekend some people camed to see us. On Saturday, Ms. S and her J comed to see us. Them helped food chik get the big Stripey back from the cat hospital place and our new food to our house. Them were nice.

Then ant grandma and ant K came to see us. Ant K is the food chik sometimes when food chik not here. It were too funny, big Stripey was trying to give ant Grandma a lick and her got skeeved. Me laff. Ant grandma is very funny and her and ant k buyed us good toys for christmas.

Then ant AM camed to see us, ant Am is one of our other food chiks when food chik not here. Her will cook for us sometimes and bring us turkey on hollerdays and stuff.

Dear Sharkbutt,
Me have a question? When your big Stripey was sick how did you food chik know it?
THanks,
Tank Foodchik

Dear Tank,
Hi, how you? Me good.
Me asked food chick how her knowed him was sick. Her knowed cuz her couldn't find him. Usually, if him are not sitting on her, him near her, near enough to see him. And if him not, her will holler CATS! And him wil run and see what her want. So her comed home and yelled cats and him no come. And her put food out and him no come. So her went looking for him and him were making noises like him hurt so her throwed him in the crate to take him to the cat vet. So that how her know.

Another thing to watch out for is if him no eat. Or if him throw up alot.

Hope that help you,
have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

New Food

Our new food is rescription and we all have to eat the same stuff. Food chik is kinda making gravy out of the canny stuff. It no taste bad but it not fitch and me love fitch.

We all grateful that big Stripey are back and feeling ok. Him no smelp like the hospital no more since food chik wiped him wif her towel and now him smelp like her.

Him Back

Big Stripey camed back from the cat hospital last night and him smelp like cat hospital so everytime Puppy the orange cat see him, her get all snarly wif him. And me too. We have new food now. It not real exciting to me but if it keeps him out of the hospital then the food chik will be happier. Him hogging the food chik now. Him a cow and him moo.

Ru'roh

Big Stripey got sick again last night and foodchik had to take him to the cat vet in the truck. Her camed back very late. Him had to stay at the cat vet because him could not pee. It very weird that him not here. And foodchik look worried.

Slippery

Foodchik take a shower every morning except for when her don't. And sometimes me like to watch the water go down the drain. Me slipped today and fell into the water today, I hate that. Puppy the cat laffed but her helped me dry myself, me were not remused.

Steak Meat

Deer Sharkbutt,
How do you like your meat cooked?
Franks,
your friend,
Mousey

Deer Mousey,
You not really a mousey are you? Me like meat cooked to not mooing. Food chik like it that way too. Me fink her say it medium or medium well. We just call it not mooing. Her will order fitch not mooing too, but that silly fitch don't moo, cows moo. Her just trying to say to cook her fitch.

Have a happy day,
love, your friend,
Sharkbutt

The Big Cats

These would be the big cats, you prolly guess which one is big Stripey. Big Orangy's real name is Puppy D. Me fink her middle name is Dog.

Happy New Year

May you have a happy 2007 with lots of fitch snaks, a good foodchik, happy big cats and a warm and dry place to sleep.

Have a happy day,
love your friend,
Sharkbutt