From Bosco the Bestest Dog Ever

Hi Sharkbutt! Itsh me, Bosco! How you teef? Me teef gud!

Me foodchick fink mouses scarey. Me think they funnee. Maybe yor mouse froze do deth cuz you foodchick keep it cold like ice. Or maybe yor mouse was a mouseketeer and died cos the stoopid hat ate its branes. or maybe Sarah Palin shooted it.

have a grest day!

yor frend,

Bosco!


Hi Bosco!, Me teef good too, fren, how you doing?
Me foodchik no find them too scariness, mostly them move fast and startle her and then her get twitchy. Her still fink we kilt it. I'm finking you right tho, it frozededed to deth cuz her keep it so cold in here. Either that or one day when foodchik had the heat her sooprised the moust to def. Me no fink Sarah Pale-end would last long in Jersey, her hairs would melt.

Have a happy day,
you fiend,
sharkbutt

Uhoh

Wow foodchik are all skivedness out because her found a moust in her dumbbell (no, not big stripey). The moust was dead, her was asking us where did it come from what did we do to it. How me know? Me cannot ask it, it dead. Me fink Puppy did it though, her mean like a snake. Remings me of foodchik.

Hmmm Questions About Me Foodchik

Deer Sharkbutt,
Me have questions about you foodchik, please can you answer them for me? Fanks!

What are her favorite color?
What are her favorite smelp?
What are her favorite food?
What are her size?

fanks again,
Tanky

Deer Tanky,
Me donut no why you want to no this stuff about foodchik and me not retirely sure what all of it mean but ok.
Foodchik favorite color is blue, because it rhyme with moo, and her a cow and that what her do. (no, me was not trying to make that rhyme,me was just lucky)
Foodchik favorite smell is anything other than burnt or catbox. Me fink some kind of flower.
Foodchik favorite food is all of them recept eggs and mushkrooms. Me no her likes fitch and chocolate. and grapes.
Foodchik size? hahahahaha, me donut no, it large. very very most largeness large. even if me did no, me not telling, me not simple as me look.

have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt.

From Fren Jasmeene

Hi, ist jasmeene, yeah. Da skwirrle.

Me teefs bin bodderin me caust i eated to muchs of holidae candies. and i a-skarit of da denteetse caust laste time i wented dere he pulled on my molers wit a big shiney tool. and it hurted and my mudder was off at teh bingoe parler and she not cumferted me like i wonted that dae.

but i glad you my friend, sharke bucktotts, it makes me feele bettor to thinke of yu and yer littel kittie smyle.

luff from jasmeene.

Hi Jasmeene,
Me sorry to here your teefs boddering you. Me hates when me teef hurt, usually me lick me foot and taht helps. But that pulling out the molders wif a big shiney sound terrible. Me sorry your mudder was bingoing. Sometime foodchik not very comforting either, mostly when her are all mooey and stuff. But her was niist for the hollerday yesterday, and so far her not mooey yet today. but it early.

i glad you me friend too jasmeene, you verry niist.
hope you teef feel more betterester soonly.
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hollerday Greetings

Merry Kriskmess from me and the Queen and Shayfoodchick to all of you at your house! Bosco!

Merry Kriskmess from me and Big Stripey and Puppy the Evil and foodchik the large. Have a happy day,
your friend, Sharkbutt

From Bosco the bestest dog ever

hi Sharkbutt, itsh Bosco! How u teefs? Me teefs good.

Me fink Jasmeene real cute skwirrle, me wood like to herd her n stuff maybe there are herds of swirrles?

My foodchicks eyes are mostly closed when she are home lately which aint offen. resht of the time they are lookink at hoomin girlz on tv. She go "what a woman!" all da time, then she fall asreep and drool. She nutty.

yor frend,

Bosco!

PS--do foodchicks ever sreepwalk and go to tha fone and order PIZZA! wifout they know that they did? And then dogs can eet all the PIZZA! and foodchick not noe?

hi Bosco, how you? how you teef? me teef great and me great. fanks. Happy Kriskmas to you and your foodchik and queen molly.

Me fink Jasmeene a cute skwirrel, prolly and me donut know if them run in herds or what.

sound like you foodchik very busyness wif work and stuff. foodchik sometimes orders Chinese food and then fall asleep but her gotta wake up to pay. Me donut no, if foodchik would forgets that them odored pizza, me no mine would not forget if her paid for anyfing, her so cheep her squeek.
have a happy day,
your friend, sharkbutt

from Jasmeene da Skwirrle, her very niist

Bucktotts, my luff,

i waits for yu to gro upps.

I weesh on da moone and my secrit staarr unteel yu is growed upps.

ANd we runs offs intoo a sunsets togedder?

Jasmeene da skwirrle,

(happy in da daye caust yu was borned up)

Hi Jasmeene,
How you? How you teef? You might have to wait a long time for me to gro upps, me kinda short.

And me have to get back to you on running off into a sunsets together, me would miss foodchik and the big cats.

And really, we have somping to riscuss, if you looks in the mirror me fink you will that you eyes very prettiness and wide apart, and mines are in from of my face, from what me read this wideness you have mean you prey, and this frontness me have means me predator and so are the big cats. then we have my foodchik whose eyes so close together in frontness me fink them one on top of another. I donut fink it would be safe for you to hang out wif us but I still be your fren on the reputer.

have a happy day,
your friend,
sharkbutt

Rinvention

Once upon a time there was a fitch catcher who had sooooooooooooooooooo much fitch and no cats to share it wif. So her was making it into cooked for her kids to eet it and riscovered her kids not like to eat fitch. how odd! So her finked and finked what should I do with the fitch and her went to the shelter place to find her some catlets and her talked to the people there about can her give the fitch her catch to catlets? Them said that it not really good for catlets to eet fitch off the hoof, maybe off the fin. So her took the catlets home wif her and fed them cat foods. And at night the catlets slept on her head and told her fings. And the next day her waked up and had a thought, I will make the fitch into crunchy fitch sticks and the kids can have them wif ketchup and me will make crunchy tater sticks for ketcup too. So her did and her kids were happy with the tater sticks and fitch sticks wif ketchup. And the catlets and the kids and the fitch chik all lived happily ever after.

Santy Claws and the Reincows.

Santy Claws and the Reincows...

The Santy Claws story as told by Sharkbutt to the food chik.

Me have heard the story about Santy Claws and the reincows on tv one night when foodchik were falling resleep to the weather channel. Santy Claws and the reincow fly in the sleigh to bring presents on Christmas. Them also talked about how him lived up at the north pole and stuff but him had to move so the story changed over the years because global warming melting polar ice caps and Santy Claws and Mrs. Claws was afraid the elves would drown in all the water in the basement from the meltiness. Drownt elves would not be pretty. Also, Grandma Claws wanted him to come down and live by her in Boca. So the way me runderstand the new story is that Santy Claws has relocated to Florida because it God’s waiting room and him thinking then there is room for promotion (him silly, God not leaving Florida). And it is actually 15 pink flamingos in santy claus hats pulling the sleigh, not reincows cuz Florida too hot for reincows (and reindeers don't usually leave Norway or Greenyland and Icyland.them might melt into puddles of cowness) So the flamingos names are Petunia, Anastasia, Reggie, Sneezy, Ethelbert, Smedwick, Clyde, Elvis, Pinky, Fartrinda, Buzzy, Perky, Lefty, Orson and Pete. Them are much safer than reincows because flamingos already know how to fly and donut need lessons, them pink so them easier to spot in the sky and when them poop the turds not so big as to be painful or dangerous and flamingos no do that whole antler thing which can cause trouble in the skies. But them are not vegetarians like reincows and so them turds smelp awful so it good them are small turds. Always tradeoffs in this life. Still the flamingos can fit down the chimney better than the reincows can, so them make it a much more refficient operation.

But me digress, so if you a good catlet, doglet, or kidlet santy claws and the flamingos will bring you presinks. Me asked for strimps in a can, clammies in a can catnip because me love nip and tunee fitch because it makes me mouf smile to just fink about it, oh and whirled peas even though me no really like vegetables much but the foodchik said me should ask for it since me always get everything else me ask for from Santy Claws. But me not always get the strimps from Santy because the flamingos need to eat the strimps to keep themselves pink, it reportant for them to maintain them visibility. So foodchik gets us the strimps. And we will leave cookies and milk for Santy Claws and strimps and butterscotch candies for the flamingos.

You can still leave your socks hung up by your chimney if you want or wherever you like to hang them. Foodchik usually hangs ours on the stairs and me fink that her have the flamingos put the nip in her underwear drawer so we can’t get at it.

Then food chik will wake us up by hopping out of bed, ok really how this go is the sun comes up and me will hop on foodchik and look in her eyeball to see if her home and say foodchik lets have strimps and then we will look in our socks – her will hide the nip in them when her come downstairs. and her will fix us a plate of strimps. We will open our presents from the chik and then her will open the one from us, big cats won't tell me what it is yet though. Them were talking about getting a side o' tunee fitch or meat, but me have the Ramerican Repress card and me think we got her a compound miter saw, even though it loud and me know me will HATE it. Then we’ll all have yogurt and maybe blueberry muffins.

So Happy Christmas to you and your foodchiks and fooddudes.
Your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hi Jasmeene the Skwirrle

S.P. mi teefs are as gud as dey gets, my ventrilonarian says dey is good zamples. and he taked a pitcher of me and putted it a zample booke for evrywun to see and adsmire in the annimul whirled.

Jasmeene da skwirrle

Hi Jasmeene, It sounds like you have really remazing teef. Me glad them good. Me tagging you for the 5 fings you love about Christmas Meme fing.

MEME FING

My frien Bosco who is the bestest dog ever asked me to write 5 fings me love about Christmas, so here we go:

1) When foodchik sits wif the 3 of us on the couch, feeds us fitch snaks and tells us about Santy Claws and him reincows. Have you read the story?

2) When foodchik opinks presinks from us, and her say cats you always mysticfies me how you get such niist presinks, me the luckiest foodchik ever.

3) When me get presinks of nip, and fitch. and more fitch.

4) Us have breakfast of blueberry yogurt and muffinks, and foodchik give us a tiny bit of cream. yummmmmm.

5) did me mention fitch?

Happy Christmas to everybody.

Her Are So Not Remused

Her are talking to herselfs and what her say just are not niiiiist. Her talk to her nosy and tell it if you donut stop wif the snot we going to have words. Her odd, and you know her moo.

Her coughing too, me were sitting on her head telling her a story to go to sleep. Usually her read us a story but that how me know her feel bad, her no do any reading. So me sitting on her head, her cough and me went flying, it was reciting, me asked her if we could do it again, her said maybe, this not sumping me can plan.

Sandy Claws and Him Reincows coming soon. me hope them bring foodchik, new lungs cuz her keep coughing up her old ones. And maybe a new risposition cuz her really kinda extra evil lately.

Hi Jasmeene

sharkbuckotts,

i secrit luffing you. i reed you effree dae and i want to marry up wit you.

k?

Jasmeene da skwirrle

Hi Jasmeene da skwirrle,
you sound very very niiist. foodchik said that her are eleventy 3 times older than me and her are too young to marry up so me too young too. it nice of you to say so though. fank you,
have a happy day,
sharkbutt

Me would root for big cats too

Her goes stooooooopid Red Sox, too though hahahaha. She only like the Tigers, they are cats! Cool, huh? (from Bosco)

The way foodchik talk about them, me fink them not fitch.

Question, me Love Questions

Hi Sharkbutt, itz me, Bosco! How you teef? My teef good. My foodchick lubs baseball too. Her go, stoooooooopid Yankeeeees! Wut are yankees?

yor frend,

Bosco!

HI Bosco!!! Me was finking about you, me glad you wrote. Me teef great, and me glad you teef good too. Me not sure what yankees is, the way foodchik carry on about them me just assumes that them fitch.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt

Hmm

Her finally wrote 10 true fings about her, but none of them were rinteresting and by rinteresting me mean odd, cuz her odd.

Her no say her are robssessed wif baseball, me serious, her have 13 baseball sites on her reader fing, and how many about cats? None. Her not even have that many about chicken or flamingos and her robsessed wif them too. And none about cows or Jupiter where her are the queen. Odd, me fink.

Her must have music playing in her head most of the time because her are often cha cha ing around here and sometimes her makes us dance wif her. It odd.

At night her take this stuff that make her turn all red and hot, her usually resleep for it but it the only time it warm in the houst. me fink her take it cuz her too cheep to pay for heat.

Hello

Me been gone for a while, now silly foodchik translate the passwords into Jupiterian and her no did it right so her no spell it right. Haahahahaha and me had to fix it so me get the reputer while her watch. hahahah. me laff.

So nuffing new, her still keep it cold enough in here to hang meat. and her got a coldy so her snorp.

Her Not GOing to do this

at least not quick enough for me, so me well tell you 10 honest fings about foodchik. Not even going to include that her a cow and her moo.

1) Her have a lot of jobs. Queen of Jupiter, Evil Minion, Reiki teacher, and some more me forget.
2) Her come home smelping of dogs a lot but we no have one.
3) Her really bad at cooking, which are unusual for such a large person.
4) Her hardly ever answer the telephone and when her do her not always nice.
5) Her can hardly ever find the telephone.
6) Her smelp like limes and flowers and mulch.
7) Her no fings, about a lotta fings.
8) Her read good.
9) Her funny.
10) ok, me lied her a cow and her moo.

Me Read This on ShayBoscosFoodchiks Blog

Her mostly write Poemtry, me like it respecially when foodchik read the poemtry to me. So her have a list of 10 honest fings about me.

1) Me are 4 years old.
2) Me a cat.
3) Me love fitch (me even writed poemtry aboutfitch once)
4) Me love blueberries
5) Me love foodchik (even though her a cow and her moo)
6) Foodchik say me can be Catlick or Boodist or whatever me want.
7) ME donut drink out of the toilet (her lie)
8) ME lick foodchik head to make her fink, it not always work so good.
9) Me like yogurt.
10) Me fink foodchik should try some nip.

And me will try to get foodchik to do this.

From SHAYBOSCoSFoOdChIK

Hi Sharkbutt! It's Shay, Bosco's Foodchick. I've had to take away his computer privelges for a day because he keeps leaving really dumb jokes about Uranus, and thinking that he is just so sooo funny. I think it's a dog thing.

xo

Shay

HI ShayBoscosFoodchik,
how you? how you teef? I hope you let Bosco use the reputer again soon. You might had noticed that Bosco not alone wif the Uranus jokes, Foodchik visicked a place up in Massachushitts called Mianus onst. You prolly donut want to tell Bosco, between Mianus and Uranus that will be a lot of silly.

Have a happy day,
your friend Sharkbutt

Her Home sick

Me donut know if you know this but by where we live the moon is in a crescent and you can see venus and jupiter by it making a rupside down frowny face. Foodchik are the queen of Jupiter, and her miss it respecially when it winter here on erf. Now winter or any other time on Jupiter is coldest. Much more colder than ever here because the Jupiter so far from the sun. So her cannot live there, her can onliest visit wif the Jupiterians from far away or her will be a foodchiksicle.

So her home sick, and by this me mean her resane.