Foodchik are odd

Not for any new reasons, you know the usual. Her come in the house singing what new Pussycat? to us. Her snarfles my belly and growls. Her tell us all that we her favorite cat. And her let me help her wif the bubbles on bubble wrap. And now, her got this cow fing that flies across the room and moos. Like her. Well, her moo, her no fly across the room.

Cornvention

Foodchik had some of the Cornvention on the TV and it look like them people have been eeting too much corn or them need to fart. Much trapped hot air anyway.

Me Got A Question

How me get foodchik to stop snorping? It were so bad last night that her waked her and me up. And her sat up real quick so me went flying.

Back!

Hi, how you? How you teef? Me back, me been watching the Olympics while me and foodchik visiting Jupiter, me translate for when we there. Her runderstand Jupiterian but her speak it wif a accent and me don't so it just easier. But because her runderstand it me no can make smart remarks wifout getting caught, not like wif Japanese where me just make all kind of outlandish cracks and her just nod and smile and them think her nuts. Me been wondering about them people who swim. Are they fitch? Or just fitch like? Do them like fitch? Or just act like fitch? Will them tasty like fitch? Me been pondering a lot. And then me sit on foodchik head and ask her these questions. And her answer them for me.

Foodchik says no, Sharkbutt, they are not fish, I mean fitch, they're somewhat like fitch because they swim but they don't have gills or flippers and they donut have to live in the water to stay alive. I'm sure that some of them like fitch and I'm guessing that no, they probably donut tasty like fitch.

Sometimes foodchik make up more rinteresting stuff than this. I no tell her but me usually like the made up stuff better because it more rinteresting.

Question

Dear Sharkbutt, I have 3 cats, 2 boys and 1 girl. One of the boys jumps on and tries to eat the girl cat, how can I make this stop? Thanks, your friend, 3 catz foodchik

Deer 3 catz foodchik, Hi, how you? How you teef? Fanks for writing me this question, me asked my foodchik and her said, one thing is to keep them separated. If that no work, then you might should squirt them wif water. We hate being squirted wif water. Me try to jump on Big Stripey when him camed back from the hospital one time, and foodchik wiped a towel on me and big Puppy then wiped it on big Stripey so that him smelped like us. So try that too. Have a happy day, your friend, Sharkbutt

Question, Me love Questions.

Hello Sharkbutt, dis is Queen Molly, Bosco's big sister and Shay the Foodchick's #1 girl. me got kwestion wen you get chance.

Evry nite, Foodchick's huge butt takes up at least a quarter of the bed. Isnt it cleer that i need at least mostly all of it? I am the Queen, after all. Bosco can stay, I know you and him tight. But how me get Foodchik to scootch her big hoomin butt over to, like, the edge?

Fank you in advanse.

Molly, resident Queen

Hi Queen Molly,
How you? How you teef? How you foodchik? How you foodchik teef? I fink you getting a pretty good deal if you foodchik only taking up a quarter of the bed. But if you want her to move her butt, get you a drink of water (even better get a drink of her icy cold drink, keep your tongue really wet and cold if you get ice cubies in you water, then lick you foodchik butt. her will move like it on fire. this work really good on me foodchik and her butt are big like Jupiter where her queen of.
have a happy night,
your friend sharkbutt

Question from Foodchik

Sharkbutt, Why do you lick my head so much? Is it because you're a catlet? Thanks, foodchick.

Deer foodchik, wow, we desperados for questions now or what? Me lick your head for very simple reasons, one is that you head is salty and two is that you put avocado tasty fings in it. Me like that. You like avocado, why you sooprised me do? Me have a question for you, why you feet so big? Fanks, your friend Sharkbutt.

Yay

Foodchik got a massage, which besides meaning her can stop whining about her arm, it mean her smelp like massage grease and even better her tasty like it too, Her going to take a nap soon and me going to lick grease! Yay!