Them Damn Kittens

Them sleep in a cage, the HERS call it kittencatraz.  Them think it funny.  Me not remused by mutch lately.  Just one problem.  Them tiny kittens can slip through some of the bars on the doors.  Them got out in the dark time and were hell until Medicinechik put on a hoodie and shoes and come down the stairs and lock them back up.

Them are HELL!!!!

Listen

The HERS (foodchik and medicine chik) have been talking about kittens for a while now.  And me were not remused.  And now the little turds are here and me are incensed.  All they are good for is scaring Puppy the Evil.

 Did I mention them stink?

 Then they will race around all batshit crazy.

 And get scared of their own tails.

 This one is named Spleen.  I don't know why them didn't name the grey and white one lung.

Big Stripey

Big Stripey was my best friend, and the best cat I knew.  Him died.  And it is sadliest most for me.  Bye Big Stripey, I miss your face.

Kittens?! Really right now?!

The last free or four days them come home smelping of kittens, almost like they want to turn catcatraz into a cat house.  Kittens?!?  I cannot imagine.  Big Stripey would eat them, hell, him still trying to figure out a way to maybe eat me and Puppy the Evil.   Puppy the Evil would just be f****ng meow all the time with the profanity and meow, even more than now.   And i donut know about medicine chik and the short and loud but food chik would be bithcing to high heavens the first time one of those slippery rat fink kittens hid in the frigerator or the oven, or on top of the clothes dryer.   Kittens?!?  this is crazy talk.

Progresss!!! Yay!!!

After the allergist visit, with the 2 effing shots.  Stopped by castle fang and imagine my glee at the sign of this.

Them Sing Too

Foodchik and Medicine chik make songs. They catchy and renoxious. The latest one is Shut Your Pussycat Piehole!

Oh Good We Back to Ice Packs

Me have told you about the ice befores, but me swear now it like her trying to make her own air crunditioning. Her have this fan that blow right on her large selfs when her sitting in our chair and now her mooing self have it on and ice packs on and her trying to make like where penguins live so that me can have what? more competitions for the fitch that we never have in this house. Yes me are cranky and me teef itch.

Him Got My Butt

Hi fren Sharkbutt. Itsh me, Bosco! How you teefs? Me teefs the goodness. Me reeding deez posts. Me fink if you want, me help you kick some sherious butt. Me can shmelp stuff a mile away, but me no help nobody what call you anyfing. me bite dem. Jest say the werd. Me got you butt. Hoomins say "back", but dat wrong. Me got you butt.

yor fren,

Bosco!


Hi frend Bosco, fang you so mutch. Me no you got my butt, me fink these two cats are just feeling meanish because foodchik like me da best. hahahaha.

your fren,
Sharkbutt

Did you know

That a lady named Judy Schachner writes books about a Siamese Cat that think him is a chihuahua?  They are very good books, sometimes medicine chick read them to me and foodchik.  Foodchik loves them and I'm liking them too.  Him have many reventures, wif him friends, a pack of chihuahuas.   He likes to eat mice and beans,  I donut think I would like mice and beans.  I donut like beans.

Puppy the Evil

wow, her ass is old.  I didn't notice before, but her move like foodchik, recept with 4 legs, not 2.  And makes noises.  That sound a lot like foodchik.  It weerd.  Big Stripey has a giant behind.  That weird too.  I know that big cats out in the wild are designed to chase stuff down to eet it.  I think Big Stripey just has a big butt.  Foodchik sings a song about Big Butts Cannot Lie.  Stripey cannot lie because him simple like a grape.  I donut fink it has mutch to do with him butt.  Recept he cannot reach it to clean it.  I try and clean it for him and hell ain't having this.

Oy

Sometimes I think her just run the giant sucker fing to make us run around.  She is a cow and she moos.  But her my food chik and the source for all knowledge and stuff.  We are sitting around while 2 of the short and loud sing "do your boobs hang low? to the medicine chik.  food chik always hollering at big stripey, hey big stripey do I walk on your boobs, you sonubabeyotch?  I donut know what that means but it sounds distrubbing.  Boobs sound distrubbing.

Did you know?

Foodchik can read, me hadn't knownt that but one day her was sitting around farting and scratching like her do too much.  And I noticed her was reading a book, it was skinny, and had lots of pictures in it.  So I said foodchik can you read me that story and her said yes and started reading it to me.  Which was nice because I didn't think she could do it.  So the story is about a Pigeon who has a list of things it likes.  Which made me start to think about things I like.  This pigeon likes cookies with nuts, I like muffins with blueberries.  And fitch, I donut no if the pigeon likes muffins with blueberries or fitch.  I will think about my list and write it down one of these days.  You should too.  And fings you happiness about.

Hmph

You know I was talking about cat jail the other day, that Puppy the Evil has to stay in to contain her evilness.      At night, the foodchik and the medicine chik with occasional help from the short and loud put me and Big Stripey in the cage for the whole night.   We are locked in and meow and meow and then donut ever let us out until after the dark time comes.  Then one of them snatches up Puppy the Evil and puts her in with pets and niceness and foods and have a nice day.    They put us in and its slam the door and some smart remark about donut let the door hit you in the tail.  Them cows and them noo.

It Turning Into The Wild Wild West Here

I donut know who peed purple in their Cheerios but now we have a 3 story cat jail. Puppy the Evil thinks it's for me and big Stripey because we donut no how to act.  I think it's for her because she vomicks all of the time all over the house and is generally risgusting.  Stripe thinks it's for Puppy the Evil too, but says he thinks the foodchik and the medicine chik really want to be cats when they grow up but I don't see that happening mutch.

We Moving Here

In a few months when it's done we will move to here, the Medicine Chik and Food Chik call it Castle Fang, we never lived in a castle before, I think it will be fun.  Mostly because it will be mutch closer to where fitch live.  And everything just tastys better close to where fitch live.

Sometimes When I Have Questions

I sit on foodchiks head and talk in her hears.  I say foodchik, why they so much anti itch stuff in the houst?  You got something against itches.  Her say Sharkbutt, I donut like to itch, and neither does medicine chik because we rips open our skin and bleeds.  I say yuck.  She says rezactly.  Foodchik resplains stuff pretty good and doesnot go into excessive detail, which I like.  Otherwise it too much like yammering.

Guess What?!

We moving, closer to where fitch live.  This make me so happiness.   But first the houst that we moving to has to be refurberished and fixed up.  Me and Puppy the Evil and Stripey the Large will have our own bathroom, which will be called the mudroom.  I donut know why.  We will have a window seat.  And a window room.  And them say we will be getting a Fang, I donut no what means this Fangness, but Puppy the evil says f&*^ing meow, it woofs.   Medicine Chik and Foodchik also say that this Fangness will need kittens to teach him how to act.  I'm guessing that will be after me teach the kittens how to act.  But is very exciting.  The worker dudes started demolition.  Foodchik and Medicine chik very recited.