Guest Post

Greetings, I am writing in place of the black and white simp Sharkbutt. I am Puppy the Queen of the Lane. We were missing an integral portion of the history of the large one's acquisition of other mangy rat bastard cats. The Striped relic. He is striped, so she named him Stripe, speaking of simps, she's a big one. But she does bring the opposable thumbs and one really cannot underestimate the value of that. Anyway, she and I were close, shared our thoughts and dreams (of fish) she got me a credit card and well, then she decided I needed the companionship of another cat. She meant well, but really, I hate cats. Despise them. Except for me, of course. So somehow she finagled this small striped menace of a kitten, and in what I found to be an absolute stroke of genius she locked him in the pest bathroom. This, not surprisingly, was on the pretense that it was warmer in there. Warm being a relative term and one that only applies to the ambient temperature in here if it's 90 degrees outdoors and the air conditioning has broken, or if heaven forfend, it were on fire. Alas, though, I digress. Gradually she gave the Striped menace the run of the house where eventually he met with my disapproval and swats, neck grabbing and other forms of domination. We had an uneasy alliance which held together rather well, until the arrival of the black and white simp Sharkbutt. They had both grown upon me quite like a fungus although the large one suggests that perhaps I've mellowed in my old age. To that I simply say; "my ass!"

Whoa!

Her comed back from somewhere and her face was kind of largeness on one side, her put ice on it and me asked her foodchik is this what you mean by rinflammation? And her said, yes, sharkbutt that kinda what me mean. Me said hmmm, foodchik are you a penquin? Her said no, me a people. Me said darn! Foodchik said, are you disappointed sharkbutt? Me said a little. Her asked why and me said cuz we would have more fitch. Her said hmmm. Then her said sharkbutt, penguins eet a lot of fitch and them catch them themself. Could you catch your own fitch? Hmmm. I guess me need her.

So, Maybe Her Not A Cow

Her do kinda look like them but bigger

Me not worried, me still cute

Her calling me Scarface, and her fink her funny! Her are a cow and her moo!

We Had To Have A Little Chat

Me and the foodchik, her go to someplace called Jim and comeback sweaty. Her drink some water and pretend she can stretchy. Then her put on ice, so me sat down and licked her head and said foodchik we need to talk. Her say Sharkbutt you seem rupset, what you wanna talk abouts? Me said foodchik, what wif the ice, are sompin wrong wif you that you not telling me? Her said sharkbutt, me get rinflammation sometimes and if me ice myself, me donut get it. Her said sharkbutt, rinflammation is what happens when you sprain yourself, strain yourself or mess sumping up. Her donut make mutch sense so me went here.
Wikipedia

It don't say anythin about ice, me think her probably a penguin like that Sarah Pale-end, her just not telling.

Ok, Ok, Already

Puppy the Evil standing on me neck while I do this. Her said I have to tell the story of how she got foodchik. Many years ago when foodchik was much younger and less mooier, her looked around her houst and said me really need a cat here to lively the place up. So her telled her friend C-zersfoodchikdonna, and c-zersfoodchik says, me got cat wif kittens living under me deck, we will find res-q's for the kittens and you take the mom cat. The mom cat was Puppy the Evil. So foodchik when to house of C-zersfoodchik donna, C-zer delocalized now, but him was the biggest dog ever, even bigger than foodchik and her huge. So foodchik and the other foodchik went under the deck to wrangle the catlets, they got Puppy the Evil first and put her in one giant sized crate and then put the little catlets in another giant sized crate. It took a while because them are simple (the foodchiks) and cats even catlets are smart. So P the E went home wif foodchik, and the catlets got them own foodchiks.

My story more rinteresting but Puppy the Evil has taken her hoof off me neck so me happy now.

And Then Sometimes Foodchiks Just Know

Hi Sharkbutt! How you teefs? My teef good.

One day me was in pets stor, and me had to share a liddle crappy cage wif anodder puppy and me stanked besides all that, me had been there for a while and nobodee buyed me. Then a lady camed in and she were looking for a dog wif polka dots cos a pschic foodchik had telled her that her favorite old dog Sundance was worried about a dog wif polka dots and that she shood look for that dog cos that was the dog for her.

Well, she seen me there in my crappy little cage wif me polka dotted legs and she say, let me plz see that puppy there, and they put me in a liddle room wif her and she liked me. She say to dem, give this here puppy a baff, cos he smelp bad, and then me gib you three hunerd n some dolla, and then me take this puppy home.

So they baffed me, and she carried me out to her car and we vrommed to foodchik's house! There were two odder dogs there, one called Queen Molly and the odder one called Alex. Alex were oldish, but Queen Molly and me liked to play, at least after i took a day or two to learn to how to run cos I had nebber been in wide open space before like in foodchik's yard!

My foodchik told me that me were speshul, she cood tell. Even though I piddled on the rug and chewed up some of her books cos me were small and dint know things yet. But now me a star and foodcchik love me more than anything or anybodee!
Me lub foodchick, too, especially wen she makes PIZZA! and gibs me some!

yor frend,

Bosco!

Hi Bosco,
Me glad you teef good. You foodchik good too? Fank you very mutch for telling me your story. Me happy you and you foodchik found each other. Me even glad Big Stripey and Evil Puppy found my foodchik. They kept her warm for me. And I fink even bought her pizza to eat. Or something. Me don't fink foodchik payed any munny for any of us, but her cheep so me not sooprised at all. Her kinda simple too, me was talking to Puppy the Evil cuz we bofe noticed her wearing too different shoes on her back feet. Me asked Puppy the Evil if we should maybe tell her and her said no, lets see if her go out like that. Her didn't yet, but there still time. Her make me laff.
Have a happy day,
your friend,
Sharkbutt